Drea, Timey, and A.j.'s Big Adventure

Starring!

Drea: Smart and Sassy!
Timey: Intelligent and bitter! (She likes her coffee... hot and ... strong.)
A.j.: The golden retriever in a former life. Yes, former.
Lyss: A heartbreaker!
Crazy Knife-wielding Man #1: Crazy and knife wielding! All in one!
Old Lady On a Bus: Cantankerous but kind.
Rita: She keeps the Fantastic Four running... fantastically!
Reed Richards: Old men with boats won't stop this brain!
Johnny Storm: Flyboy by trade, flighty by nature.
Hank McCoy: Intelligent, handsome, and blue! BLUE!
Jean Grey: Dresses herself and everything!
Robert Drake: Cold hands, warmed by Drea!
Remy LeBeau: Chef and toaster-clubber extraordinaire!
Tabitha Smith: Be a ho and let him go!
Sam Guthrie: Able to feel nothing in all fingers.
Moira McTaggart: Fear her coffee, revel in her wit!
Katherine Pryde: Frustrated, if kind.
Kurt Wagner: A true gentleman from here to eternity!
Scott Summers: Fearful, but stoic.
Nathan Christopher Charles Dayspring Asakni'son Summers: A boy with too many 
names! And too many admirers!
Domino: A scary woman who could kill me.

***


A: "Owww..."

D: "Nnnn.  No more paint thinner...

T: "...EVER."

A: "Why are we in grass?"

T: "Huh?"

D: "Whu?"

A: "Ew! Rat on foot! Rat on foot!"

D: "GAH!"

T: "Holy shit!"

A: "Offoffoffoffoff!

D: "Um... why are there trees?  My apartment has no trees... We were in my 
apartment last night.. right?"

A: "I think it *peed* on me!"

T: "Mrph..  Yeah.  We were working on the pirates fic..."

D: "...and drinking..."

A: "Oh, god!  I have fleas now!  I just *know* it!"

T: "...and then we were asleep..."

D: "...and we woke up here."

T&D: exchange glance

A: "I just got these shoes!"

D: "Oh, dear, lord."

T: "Hmm?"

D: "Look over there.  That's the Empire State Building.  How the HELL did we end 
up in New York!?  We were in Chicago last night!  And none of us has a car!"

A: "Why did I wake up with a rat on my foot?"

T: "Well, skippy over there has a car, but I don't see it.  Plus...  where would 
we have stuck it?  I mean, we're in the middle of a park."

A: "My car's GONE!?"

D: "Probably Central Park, from the looks of it."

T: "Right."

A: "Hey, why is that man coming at us with a knife?"

D: "Definitely Central Park."

T: "Right."

D: "Run?"

T: "Catch up with A.j."

D: "Got it."

*** 

A: *PANT*

D: *PANT*

T: *PANT*

D: "Note.  Running in backless shoes is a BAD idea."

A: "Note!  Running is a BAD Idea."

T: "At least we're near the street now.  We can find a phone, or something.  
Can't wait to explain *this* to my parents."

A: "Do you guys see my car?  My mom's gonna *kill* me..."

D: "You took the train up, yesterday, A.j.  Your car's probably in Joliet.  
Timey, you can always say we had a last minute idea to visit Kiko."

T: "True."

A: "Um... guys?"

D: "Do you have her new number?"

T: "Somewhere, but not in these pockets.  Wallet check?"

D: "Got it."

A: "Guys?"

T: "Got it."

A: "GUYS!"

T&D: "What!"

A: "Um... I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I think we have bigger 
problems than randomly being in New York."

D: "You don't have your wallet?"

A: "Er.. yeah, it's here, but that's not what I mean."

T: "*WHAT*?"

A: "That newspaper box is for the Daily Bugle."

T&D: "...."

T: "Who's got quarters?"

A: "Um... here.  Fifty cents, right?"

D: "Oh, god."

T: "Shit.  This is real.  The whole box is full...  Look, it even has Jonah 
Jamison listed as editor!"

A: "Omigod!  You know what this means!  We've wandered into an alternate 
dimension where our reading choices are actual people!  We're in a comic book!  
Any minute now, we're going to go evil and start attacking the city for all 
we're worth!  Or, we're in a self-insertion fic."

T: "You're head scares me."

D: "You aren't the only one.  So... We're stuck in a self-insertion story?"

A: "Yes."

T: "Fuck."

A: "Yes."

D: "What are we gonna do?"

A: "Okay, bare facts.  This is a Daily Bugle, so we're in a Marvelverse, and in 
New York.  That leaves us with a couple options."

T: "X-Men, the Fantastic Four, Spiderman, Daredevil, and the Avengers."

A to D: "Are they still around?"

D: "Yes."

A: "Oh.  Never hear about them anymore."

T: "Not the point!  Okay, so have either of you been to New York before?  I 
haven't, so I have no idea how to get to any of these people's headquarters, and 
I have NO clue on how to work this public transport system."

A: "Nope."

D: "Yes.  But I went everywhere by cab.  The subway scares me."

T: "Shit.  Anyone got money?"

D: "Probably nothing that's valid."

T: "But you do have some?"

D: "Like twenty bucks.  What?  I'm poor!"

A: "I have three dollars and a bank card that probably doesn't work.  Credit 
card too."

T: "Fucking beautiful.  I have seventy, and with our luck, we'll get busted for 
counterfeiting if we try and use it.  And we need directions."

A: "Or a map.  I can get us places if I have a map."

T: "Okay, we need a map.  Convenience store?"

D: "There's one over there.  And it only looks vaguely scary."

T: "Who should we try and find?"

A: "Well, Reed Richards has time and alternate reality whozamajigs, and they 
live in a building with a huge '4' at the top.  Plus, it's pretty close.  
Probably."

D: "There is that."

T: "And 'whozamajig' is a technical term, right?"

D&A: "Right."

T: "Convenience store then?"

A: "We're going to have to cross the street to do that."

T: "No, shit, dumbass."

A: "There are like twelve lanes!  And New Yorkers are crazy!"

D: "Is that the innate midwestern distrust of all things eastern peeking 
through?"

A: "Yes!"

T: "God.  We'll, hold your hand, okay?"

A: "Um... okay.  Drea?

D: "Hmm?"

A: "Look like a lawyer."

D: "Scary?"

A: "Yes."

D: "Right."

*** 

A: "Oh-kaaay."

D: "That doesn't sound promising."

T: "Nope."

A: "I'm sorry!  I've never been here before, and this is weird!  Islands suck."

D: "Don't take your rage out on the map!  The freaky Korean man was nice enough 
to let us have it.  Now, figure this out."

A: "Sorry.  Okay, we're here... I think."

T: "Yes."

A: "And according to the telephone book, the Fantastic Four's headquarters is 
here."

D: "I still can't believe they had a full page advertisement."

T: "They're morons."

A: "Or, they could figure if people know where they are, they wouldn't blow up 
so many buildings trying to find them."

D: "That... makes sense."

A: "Oh, god.  We found a world where my brain has logic."

All: ...

T: "We need to get home."

D: "Now."

A: "Hey, wouldn't it stand to reason that since the quarters worked in the 
newspaper machine that they'd work in the bus change machine thingie?"

T: "Yes."

D: "Do we have quarters?"

T: "Um... I have six dollars in chocolate-covered change."

D: "What?"

T: "Money.  Covered in chocolate.  It was at the bottom of my bookbag!"

A: "To the bus!"

D: "What?  You figured out which one?  That was fast."

A: "No.  But the sign says that one goes 'from 55th to the 4 Freedoms plaza'."

D: "Plot convention?"

A: "Naturally."

T: "Works for me."

*** 

A: "Doo-doo-doo...  Wow.  New York is a lot... cleaner than I thought it would 
be."

D: "Yeah.  And everyone's so..."

T: "Stacked?"

D: "Right.  It's like walking around in a movie."

A: "But with full range and sound."

T: "Just be glad the machine took our money, otherwise we'd be shit out of 
luck."

D: "Bless the plot conventions."

A: "Hey, is that Spiderman?"

T: "What?  Where!"

A: "See?  There..."

D: "Wow! Neat!"

Old Lady: *snort* "Tourists..."

A: "Hmmm?"

OL: "That young man makes this trip everyday 'round this time.  Part of his 
patrol, or whatnot."

A: "Wow!"

T: "Damn.  He's gone.  I wanted to meet him too."

OL: "Don't worry.  You can't throw a rock these days without hitting one young 
person or another in spandex tights."

D: "You mean, even when you're not in the East Village?"

OL: "Experienced tourist then, are we?"

D: "Yep!"

OL: "At least you're honest.  Don't worry.  If you really want to meet a real 
superhero, this bus ends at Richards plaza.  The Fantastic Four building is 
right there."

A: "Hey, do you know why they built that building façade?  Other than ego?  
Because honestly, it's kinda dorky."

OL: "Throw enough money around, you can wear your underpants on the outside of 
your clothes and no one makes comment, except behind their hand.  Ooop.  Well, 
this is my stop.  Have a good vacation, ladies."

A&D&T: "Bye!"

A: "Old ladies are cool."

D: "You just say that because they have the combined lifting strength of the 
entire roster of the Avengers.  Past and present."

A: "What's up with mentioning the Avengers so much?"

T: "Random happenstance."

A: "But still, they're getting mentioned a lot."

D: "Probably because the person writing this - who's probably a girl - has no 
clue about the actual team and just wants to project her knowledge inadequacies 
as adequacies."

A: "You really did go to law school, didn't you?"

D: "You went to my graduation."

A: "But that was just because I got to wave a sign that said "YAY, DREA!" and 
make Timey hold the other end up -"

T: "Bitch.  I still hate you for that."

A: "-and the free booze with lunch."

D: "You don't drink!"

A: "Yeah, but the coolness factor was there."

T: "You are SUCH an idiot.  And we're here."

D: "Wow.  That four really *does* look dorky."

A: "Hey, does anyone know how we're going to get past security?"

***

D: "We're inter-dimensional travelers and we have no idea how to get home!?"

T: "What?  We're in, aren't we?"

A: *SNIGGER*

D: "Hush, you.  And that's not the point!  These things are supposed to be all 
dignified and stuff!  Where's the drama?"

T: "Screw drama.  I want out of this story.  It's dumb.  And the faster we get 
done whatever stupid thing we need to get done, the quicker we can get to the 
end."

Elevator: *ding* 'Penthouse.  Please exit.'

A: "What if we're Mary Sue's?"

D: "Don't *say* that."

T: "Well, the sun isn't shining out of any of our asses yet.  I think it's a 
fair bet-"

Rita: "Hello, young ladies.  Mr. Johnson told me you'd be coming up."

T: "Hi."

A: "Howdy!"

D: "Hello.  I'm Andrea, and these are my friends, A.j. and Timey.  We're here to 
see Dr. Richards about a unique problem-"

R: "Dimensional travelers who want to get home?"

A: "Do you get that a lot?"

R: "More than you'd expect. If you'd like to freshen up, there's a bathroom down 
the hall."

D: "Oh, thank god."

A: "Yeah, my bladder's about to burst."

T: "How long will it be before we can see Dr. Richards?"

R: "Dr. Richards is embroiled in a family matter right now, but he should be 
free in a few minutes.   Come back after you're done.  You can wait here.  
There's some muffins and other food in the back if you're hungry.  It shouldn't 
be too long."

D: "He and Sue fighting?"

R: "Franklin stopped believing in gravity."

D: "There's something you don't see every day."

R: "You'd be surprised."

***

A: "Ooo, muffins..."

T: "Coffee!  God, delivered from the land of barbarians..."

D: "You are such an addict."

T: "Fuck you."

D: "Maybe later."

T: "Bitch."

D: "Slut."

T: "Whore."

D: "Skank."

T: "Tabitha."

A: "Ahh, routine.  Ooo!  Blueberry!"

D: "She really was a golden retriever in another life, wasn't she?"

T: "Another life?"

D: "We really should come up with a better story than "Hi, we're from another 
dimension, we have no money, send us home.'"

T: "Why?  It's true."

D: "But it... lacks something."

A: "*mph* Plot?"

T: "When does anything we do ever *have* a plot?"

D: "Hey!  I have lots of plots!"

T: "And they're very good."

A: "You should turn Jean into a bunny."

D: "ONE time, I turn Nate into a goat and forever it's "Turn Sinister into a 
gerbil!  Turn Toad into a monkey!"  I'm more than just a girl who turns people 
into things!"

A: "You also get them pregnant."

T: "Right."

D: "Grrr.  Just grr."

Reed Richards: "Hello, ladies!  I'm Reed Richards.  Rita informed me you're 
having something of a problem?"

A: "Yeah.  We wanna go home."

RR: "Right.  Inter-dimensional displacement?"

T: "Something like that."

RR: "Well, do step into my lab!"

***

RR: "And THIS is a possible model for the natural disaster that submerged 
Atlantis and subsequently covered it up.  I have some interesting data from 
Namor..."

D: *whisper*  "It's been an hour!"

T: "Is there *anything* this guy can't lecture on?"

A: "Oh, I don't know.  The five minute tangent on the nature of biometric 
resynchronization was rather fascinating."

T: "You understood that?"

A: "No.  But the arm-swirlies were inspired."

T: "Who else has a headache?"

D: "Me.  Who else feels like a complete idiot?"

A: "Me."

T: "Dr. Richards?"

RR: "And here's where the boats with the old men with beards..."

T: "Dr. Richards!"

RR: "Hmm?  Oh, yes?  Question?"

T: "Do you have anything that can get us either back home, or out of this 
story?"

RR: "Story?"

T: "Can.  You.  Get.  Us.  Home."

RR: "Hum.  Well, not at the moment.  It seems I've lent all of my inter-
dimensional machines to Dr. McCoy of the Xavier institute.  He's working on a 
hypothesis regarding dimensional shift and that new virus that's finding its way 
around."

T&D: *groan*

A: "Legacy?"

RR: "Yes!  The one affecting only those with mutant genetics.  So far.  At any 
rate, he has it all, from the tachyon counter down to the shift gate."

T: "Well, can we go to him?"

RR:  "Well, I suppose.  I'd have to get permission.  He's at a top secret 
facility not too far-"

D: "So he's still in Westchester then?"

RR: "Um.  What dimension did you say you were from again?"

A: "You're all comic book characters.  And can I say something?"

RR: "Of course."

A: "Inject a homing device in your son.  It can only help."

D: "A.j.!"

T: *snigger*

RR: "What do you know about my son?"

A: "Gah!  No!  No scary father thing!  Stoppit!"

T: "Hey!  Leave her alone!"

D: "Comic books!  You're all comic book characters!  It was just a SUGGESTION!"

RR: "I'm sorry.  I'm sorry...  It's just.  Franklin is a sore spot."

A: "No fucking kidding.  Geez, do that to someone in battle sometime, and you'll 
definitely win a few.  GAH."

D: "Look, Dr. Richards, we understand your hesitancy.  All joking aside, it 
might be a good idea to keep a tracking device on him.  And keep him away from 
all megalomaniacs."

T: "And near a handy supply of happy drugs."

D: "Timey!"

T: "Reality warpers and mental instability.  That's all I'm sayin'."

RR: "Well, thank you for the advice.  I'll get on the phone to clear you.  I'm 
sure Johnny can fly you over to the lab, once the permission is given."

A: "I don't wanna be set on fire!"

T: *whap* "Johnny's a pilot, moron."

A: "Oh.  Right."

RR: "Well, then.  If you could wait a moment?  And not touch anything?"

D: "Sure!

A&T: "Like thaaaat's gonna happen."

T: "Stop *doing* that."

D: "He's not going to heed a single word of our advice, is he?"

A: "Nope."

T: "Moron."

***

Johnny Storm: "Okay, ladies!  Hop in!"

A: "Dude!  We get to go to the X-Mansion!  In a helicopter!"

D: "Huh... I wonder what's happening there right now.  Story-wise."

T: "I hope it's not current canon.  I'll have *no* clue what's going on."

A: "Maybe we'll get lucky, and time here will be as screwed up as it is in 
canon."

T: "How will that help?"

A: "We might be back in time to a place that's something we'll recognize."

T: "You could have just said that."

JS: "Okay!  Here are your blind-folds..."

T: "Screw that!"

A: "No!  I wanna see stuff out the windows!"

JS: "Guys, it's a secret lab for a reason."

T: "Like we know anything about aerial directions."

JS: "But we don't know who you are, or if you are working for anyone."

D: "Do we look like we could work for Cobra or something?"

T: "Heh."

A: "Well, we are smarter than they are."

T: "Mud is generally smarter than the average Cobra agent.  Look, we're not 
wearing those, and if you get near me with one, I will break your hand."

JS: "Um, that's not exactly inspiring confidence in your good intentions."

D: "Mr. Storm?  Look, you're taking us to, roughly, one of the most secure 
locations on the planet.  They can pretty much kill us on sight if we do 
anything wrong.  I don't think they'll mind over much if we go un-blindfolded up 
to Westchester county.

JS: "Wait, you know where we're going?"

A: "Generally speaking, yes."

JS: "Oh.  Well."

T: "Drop the blindfolds, Storm.  And get with the flying."

JS: "Er.  Right."

D: "Hey, are we going to chat the group up and warn them about future events if 
we *are* in the past?"

T: "Why not.  We're in a self-insertion fic.  Can't hurt."

D: "Are we *sure* we're in a self-insertion fic and not in a comic?  Marvel's 
been known to pull stupid mistakes like that."

T: "What?  Inserting fans in comic books?"

A: "We're not in a comic book.  If we were, my boobs would be bigger, my waist 
would be smaller, and I wouldn't have rat pee on my shoe."

T: "You would if we were in Agent X."

A: "Go, foot!"

T: *snigger*

D: "Weirdo."

A: "Can I go all fan girl for a minute?"

T: "Feel free."

A: "*SQUEAL!*"

JS: "Owww...  Not so loud!"

A: "Sorry.  Anticipation of gawking at pretty men."

JS: "Hey..."

A: "Hmm?

D&T: *snigger*

JS: "What about me?"

A: "What?"

JS: "Never mind.  Everyone strap in.  Reed radioed ahead, and they're expecting 
us."

A: "Dude, I hope it's after the whole Phalanx thingie.  Gratuitous Nate!"

T: "Ooo, forgot about that."

D: "Gratuitous Sam!"

A&T: "Ooo..."

T: "1407 Greymalkin Road, Salem Center and step on it!"

JS: "Hey!  You're not supposed to know about that!"

T: "Shut up and drive, pretty boy."

*** 

A: "Look!  Moraines!"

T: "The whole area is a glacial playground, A.j.  There are going to be 
features."

A: "But... drumlins!  They're cool!"

D: "Why is she so attached to rock formations?"

T: "No clue."

A: "Two semesters of geology.  Actually, the first was geography, but it had to 
do with classifying types of rocks and learning about geologic formations.  We 
did learn how to read maps though."

D: "How much further Mr. Storm?"

JS: "Oh, another ten minutes.  We're circling due to a little inclement weather.  
The fog's pretty thick today."

T: "Ten bucks says Storm's throwing a tantrum."

JS: "Hey!"

T: "Oh, not you."

A: "Hey, we're gonna have a problem, aren't we?"

D: "How do you mean?"

A: "Xavier and his happy head diving."

T: "Such a turn of phrase you've got there."

A: "What?  He's evil!"

D: "We don't know that.  We don't even know when we are.  He could be over his 
megalomaniacal rages and split personality. "

T&A: "..."

D: "We have a problem, don't we?"

T: "Not really.  I mean, like you said, we have no idea when we are.  For that 
matter, we may not interest him enough for a scan.  Or we could just hang out 
near Jean and Nate so any undue mental activity would be monitored."

D: "Cuz you so wouldn't wanna hang out near him anyway?"

T: "Shut up."

A: "Gratuitous crusty old guy!"

JS: "You three are strange."

T: "What did we tell you about talking?" 

JS: "Well, this is your stop.  Isn't this a nice view?"

T: "Looks like a home for bored rich people."

JS: "Yeah, but there's pool."

A: "Bitter about not having an out-door heated model, are we?"

JS: "Reed spent all the money on getting the '4' polished."

T: "Your entire team has mental problems."

D: "Hey, who *is* that?"

A: "Dunno.  He's tall, and broad shouldered so that leaves out everyone but 
Hank, and Scott and... well, Hank and Scott."

D: "It doesn't look like Scott."

T: "Or Peter Rasputin."

A: "He died, didn't he?"

T: "Timeline, dumbass."

A: "Oh, right."

JS: "Out you go, kids.  Have fun!  Don't do anything that'll get you shot!"

A&T&D: "Bye!"

Dr. McCoy: "Salutations, ladies!  I am the Dr. McCoy Dr. Richards mentioned-"

A: "Why aren't you blue?"

MC: "Excuse me?"

T: "Yeah, why aren't you fuzzy?"

MC: "Er..."

D: "Hello, he's wearing an image inducer so that we'll feel more comfortable."

T: "I knew that, but I'm wondering why."

A: "Ooo!  I want an image inducer!  Do you *know* how much that'd save me in 
costume costs at Wizard Con alone?"

D: "A.j., you don't know if we can take anything back with us, period."

MC: "Um, ladies?"

T: "You're all comic book characters where we come from.  We've seen you insane, 
dead, loquacious, and practically naked.  Can you get us back home, or what?"

MC: "Er-"

A: "Hey, why *is* it that you and Bobby only wear underpants as a costume?"

D: "It's not like they can feel cold.  He's fuzzy, Bobby's a popsicle."

A: "Point."

T: "Hop to, McCoy.  I need coffee."

A: "Hey, is it breakfast time?"

D: "Well, my watch says nine."

T: "Yeah, but that's Central Time.  And other-dimension-time."

D: "Hey, is it Saturday?"

MC: "Yes-"

A: "Ooo!  Late breakfast!  Hey, where's the kitchen?  Last floor plan I saw had 
it in the back right, but that was four demolitions ago."

T: "No, it's between the left wing and the center bit.  Looked it up last week."

D: "You have a diagram?"

T: "Yeees."

D: "Okay, now you're just showing off."

MC: "EXCUSE ME!"

T&D&A: "Hmmm?"

MC: "How do you three know so much about this place?  It's top secret!"

T: "Whatever.  We covered this.  You all, the X-Men, Fantastic Four, Daredevil, 
and Spiderman-"

A: "And the Avengers!"

T: "-and the Avengers, are all comic book characters.  We three, are all comic 
book fans.  We obsess."

MC: "Women read comics?"

D: "Don't even start."

MC: "But... how did you end up here?"

A: "Ooo! PICTURES!"

D: "We have no idea.  Last night, we were in my apartment, in our reality, in 
*Chicago*, and this morning we were watching a rat pee on A.j. over there in the 
middle of Central Park."

A: "Timey, get over here!  I think it's Nate on a bear-rug!"

T: "Ooo!  Where?"

MC: "They know about Nathan Christopher?"

D: "Try 'are obsessed with' and you might be closer."

MC: "You're kidding."

D: "Nope.  Although A.j. once told me she'd do you in no time flat.  Probably 
without the image inducer making you look like a boy-band reject, but there you 
go."

MC: "Um, er... well-"

D: *pats Beast's shoulder* "Oh, don't worry.  She'd more likely maul Scott then 
you.  More to get a reaction."

T: "That's not fair!  He's so *cute*."

A: "Hey, are there current team pictures up here?"

MC: "I don't know what you're-"

T: "Can it and point."

MC: "Um, over there."

D: "HA!  Tabby's in slut-purple!"

T: "Hey!  Purple's a nice color!"

Jean: "Hello!  I thought I heard voices..."

T&A&D: "Hi, Jean!"

J: "Um... Hank?"

MC: "I have no idea.  These are the girls Reed called about."

D: "Omigod!  Sam's so *cute*!  And is that an Excalibur picture next to the old 
new X-Factor?"

J: "They seem to know more than a little bit about our lives."

A: "I wonder how they managed to fit all those people in that wedding photo."

T: "I wonder how many times they had to make prints of that wedding photo due to 
fire."

D: "If Tabby's in slut-purple, at least once."

MC: "Are you reading any malice from any of them?"

J: "No.  That's the strange thing.  I can't get solid lock on their thoughts at 
all.  The emotion behind them, yes, but not the actual thought.  Just extreme 
excitement, awe, and a bit of fear.  Mostly excitement though."

T: "We *are* right here, you know."

J: "Um..."

D: "Oh, I'm sorry!  A.j., stop gawking!  I apologize for our behavior, we're 
just a bit carried away with actually meeting some of our personal, fictional 
heroes."

J: "Fictional?"

MC: "We're comic book characters in their world."

J: "You mean like Batman?"

A: "You guys are *so* not Batman."

D: "A.j., shut up.  My name is Andrea, the girl randomly stroking the baby 
picture of your son-"

T: "Hey!"

D: "-is also Andrea, but you can call her Timey.  That one is A.j."

A: "Hi!"

D: "And we're here to ask for your help."

MC: "Yes, Reed mentioned all of this on the phone.  He said you needed his 
equipment to try and locate, and then return to your own reality.  If you'll 
come with me, we can head down to my lab and do some tests."

A: "No breakfast?"

MC: "Not yet.  Besides, the real action doesn't start until the late crew rolls 
out of bed.  And if you sit really still during the blood drawing, I'll give you 
a green lollipop."

A: "I like him."

***

A: "OW!"

MC: "I haven't even put the needle in yet."

A: "Okay, I'm amending that 'ow-of-pain' to an 'ow-in-anticipation-of-pain'.

MC: "You're not sitting still."

A: "Sorry."

D: "Hey, did you hear what Jean was saying up in the hall?  Before she, 
presumably went to wake Him up?"

T: "About us being excited and scared?"

D: "No, the 'not being able to get a solid lock on our thoughts' bit."

T: "She said that?"

D: "You were staring at Nate's ass."

T: "As if you blame me.  And do you think she's lying?"

D: "I don't think so.  The writers have, apparently, been accurate about this 
team's penchant for soliloquy.  Here, I just thought it was stupidity on their 
parts.  I doubt Jean would be lying to Hank, consciously at least.   That 
doesn't mean we're safe, exactly, but if she can't read our thoughts, we can 
keep most of the stuff we know buried."

T: "You noticed we were in the past too, huh?"

D: "Yeah."

A: "OW!"

MC: "Okay, that *was* the needle, but we're almost done."

A: "What, are you taking a bucket!?"

D: "Should we feel at all bad about watching her go through these tests?"

T: "No.  And where do you think we are?  It's definitely before Onslaught."

D: "Yeah, but not too long before.  Slut-purple, remember?"

T: "Right.  We're in the end-days of good writing then."

D: "Damn."

T: "Yeah."

MC: "Okay, you're done."

A: "Did you leave any blood for me?"

MC: "A pint or two."

A: "Is it their turn now?"

T: "Stop acting all excited.  And no, it's not."

MC: "Nope.  Yours is all the blood I need to get a decent lock on shift 
coordinates."

D: "He told us that as he was walking us down here, A.j."

A: "Oh.  I was staring at his ass."

MC: "*AHEM*... well, there are no hard feelings, I hope?"

A: "Nah.  I do more damage to myself walking down stairs.  But it's sweet of you 
to apologize."

MC: "Well, I wouldn't want a nice lady like yourself to walk away with a bad 
impression of me."

A: "Drop the image inducer and ain't no way in hell that could happen."

MC: "Why, thank you, my dear.  Unfortunately, I will not be able to escort you 
to breakfast, as I must calculate the specific phase-shift of your blood so Reed 
and I can get started on finding your reality."

D: "Aww, they're flirting!"

T: "Whatever.  How the hell do we find the kitchen?"

MC: "Er, you didn't let me finish.  While you do know incredible amounts about 
this team, and its base, it's been decided that we can't exactly let you wander 
around unescorted."

T: "We get a babysitter?"

A: "Neat!  Who?"

MC: "Not exactly.  You get an escort and general all-around information source.  
Ladies, may I introduce-"

D: "OMIGOD!  It's Bobby!" *tackle*

Bobby: "Hi-oof...!"

D: "Wow, you're even more attractive in person!"

T: "And there she goes..."

B: "Thanks?"

A: "Wait until she meets Sam."

T: "Ha!"

MC: "I take it Ms. Andrea is a rather dedicated Iceman fan?"

T: "You could say that."

A: "And you wouldn't even be close."

B: "Um, hi?"

D: "Can I have your autograph?"

B: "What?  I mean, yes?"

A: "I don't think he quite knows how to deal with a fan."

D: "Crap!  Does anyone have any paper?"

T: "Er..."

A: "Um... no!  But I have a convenient sharpie."

MC: "Sorry, my note pad's needed replacing for the last month."

B: "I could sign your boob?"

D: "Okay!"

B: "What?"

T: "He was trying to make a joke, wasn't he?"

A: "Wow, I didn't know eyes could get that big!"

MC: "I don't think he quite knows how to deal with a rather enthusiastic woman 
allowing him to sign her breast."

T: "She won a stuffed ferret that way, once."

D: "Omigod!  I'm sorry!  Would you like to stand up?"

B: "Yes?"

D: "A.j. hand over the sharpie.  Sign here!"

B: "Okay!"

T: "That's sickeningly cute."

A: "Naw, that's Hank in a lab coat.  And I really don't want that marker back 
now.  No offense."

MC: *blush* "Er, right.  Um, possibly you could head to the kitchen?  I have a 
lot of work to do..."

T: "Come on, kids.  I want coffee.  Drea, stop flashing your cleavage at the 
poor boy.  He's drooling."

D&B: "Hell, no!"

T: "Hop to, popcicle."

A&B&D&T: "Bye, Hank!"

A to T: "I like this author.  She's making me witty and bold with Hank."

T: "She's making you a moron."

A: "No, I already *was* a moron.  She's just writing in character."

T: "Can't argue there."

A: "And you're a violent bitch, so dead-on again."

T: *SMACK*

A: "Ow!"

T: "You deserved that."

D&B: "Yeah, you did."

A: "Why is this 'give A.j. pain day'?"

T: "Because it's Saturday.  Now, do you want breakfast or not?"

*** 

A: "Dude, did you *see* the pantry?"

D: "Well, it would make sense with the number of people living here, that the 
food storage area would be pretty big."

A: "It's bigger than Timey's room!"

T: "Hey, leave me out of this.  I have coffee, I have a muffin, and I'm watching 
Gambit club Warren to death with the toaster.  My life is happy."

Gambit: "DIE, you riche homme!"

Warren: "Gurk-!"

B: "And it's a pain to keep full.  I think most of our monthly budget goes to 
food."

D: "I'd image that Shi'Ar cold fusion packs keep the electric bills pretty 
reasonable."

B: "There is that."

A: "Um, shouldn't you be doing something about the minor brawl going on over 
there?"

B: "Why?  It happens every weekend.  Gambit gets drunk, comes home late, and 
Warren makes snide comments about his eggs.  They brawl.  Jean breaks them up-"

J: "Stop it right now, young men!"

G: "It wasn't my fault!"

W: "Gurk!"

B: "-around now.  Then makes them clean up."

J: "And if that toaster's not replaced by this afternoon, you're both doing the 
shopping!"

G: "..'es ma'am."

W: "...ow..."

T: "Damn.  I'd still be buying X-Men if this happened once in awhile."

D: "Hi, Jean!"

J: "Hello!  Um, I'm sorry.  Bobby, why did you sign Drea's breast?"

B: "Because she let me!"

D: "Yeah!"

J: "Right.  Anyway, I'm sorry about the floor show, but those two are like oil 
and water.  Well, more like a tick and a dog.  Remy does so like to antagonize 
Warren."

A: "Worth the price of admission, I'd say."

T: "Definitely."

J: "Anyway, Hank let me know that it was going to take him some time to get 
everything squared away.  He should know more by later this afternoon, but just 
in case, he asked me to show you three to some guest rooms."

A: "Are there any available?"

J: "This is a rather large house, if you hadn't noticed."

A: "Yeah, but there's lots of people."

B: "Nah.  Most of them are downstairs.  The upstairs guestrooms are for 'real' 
guests."

J: "Bobby."

B: "What?  Drea was asking if we fish out of the hanger door way on the way 
here."

J: "Bobby.  We don't discuss internal security issues with people who randomly-"

T: "Oh, leave him be.  It's not like we don't know what's going to happen to you 
in the near future as is."

D: "Yeah.  The writers are pretty detailed."

J: "Humor me."

T: "Riiight."

B: "Jean, are you going to be here for a bit?  I need to go check on a computer 
program I had started before Hank called."

J: "Sure, no problem."

B: "Be right back!"

D: "Bye!"

A: "Hey, come back wearing your Simon LeBon t-shirt!"

D: "A.j.!"

B: "How did you- Nevermind.  I'll see if I can find it."

T: "So, Jean.  How are you and Scott doing?"

J: "What?"

T: "No problems?  General happiness?"

J: "Why?"

A: "Because you're about to be sucked down an emotional toilet, the likes of 
which you've never seen before."

J: "Been there, done that, have the mental issues to prove it."

D: "Oh, honey, dying is just the beginning."

A: "But with no cute mummy or Brendan Fraser."

T: "Yeah, your time in the future was a cakewalk."

J: "What?"

A: "Do yourself a favor and kick the crap out of Nate Gray ASAP."

D: "And if you accidentally fried Emma's mind?  It'll only help matters."

T: "Plus, you get to fry Emma's mind."

J: "What the hell are you talking about?"

D: "We're telling you how to avoid being royally screwed and emotionally 
crippled."

A: "Hey, is that bacon?"

G: "Yes."

T: "Here.  Look, Jean?  Do yourself a big favor and keep a close eye on your 
husband.  Well, at least at your link.  Scott's not the problem.  The outside 
world is."

D: "Yeah.

J: "I have no idea what you're talking about."

T: "You're a precog, right?  Well, partially.  Trust your gut and keep a mental 
eye on your husband."

D: "And fry Emma's mind.  Or staple Scott to the desert floor when you confront 
Apocalypse.  Don't let Scott try and play hero."

J: "You don't know him as well as you think you do if you want me to do that."

A: "Hon, if you can lift a cement truck, you can hold your hubby down when he 
tries to save Nate Gray.  Dumbass dies anyway, and causes you and your snookums 
a load of pain in the process."

J: "I really don't think I should be listening to this."

A: "Oh, the grandfather paradox is a total myth.  Besides, isn't your son doing 
his royal best to run around and change the future?"

T: "Speaking of, is he around?"

J: "My son?"

T: "Yes."

J: "Nathan?"

T: "You have another one?  Quiet, Drea."

D: "But!"

T: "Not right now."

J: "Err, well, as a matter of fact-"

N: "Gambit, do you have anymore eggs?  And why is the coffee pot almost empty?"

A: "Oh, my god, I think my brain just melted."

T: "Wow."

D: "Impressive."

A: "And picture the breeches girls.  Just picture the breeches."

J: *blush* "Well.  You apparently *do* know Nathan."

T: "Oh, how we wish we knew more..."

D: "Dunno.  The scars are kind of a turn off."

T: "Freak.  You just have a metal fetish."

D: "*Outside* the body, dear."

J: "Please don't be talking about what I think you're talking about."

T: *pointed look*

J: "Eww."

D: "How can you say that about your son!"

J: "Honey, Nate's only my kid because I raised him for twelve years.  Stryfe 
sets people on fire for fun."

D: "He had a bad childhood!"

J: "Well, aware.  But when a boy tries to kill you repeatedly, you develop a 
defense.  It's called common sense."

T&D&A: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

A: "Oh, MAN, I needed that!"

T: "*snigger*"

D: "Jean, sweetie?  Please don't take offense, but that's just really funny."

J: "Um... right."

A: "I wanna go meet the pretty man!"

T: "Um.  Me too."

D: "Excuse us.  We're going to go grope your son."

A: "Hey, there, big boy.  Wanna go... fishing?"

T: "Damn, you're huge."

N: "Um..."

D: "Well, I guess the metal isn't *so* bad.  And he does have the muscular thing 
down."

A: *poke*  "Wow!  It *is* kinda warm..."

T: "Back off, bitch.  And you are freakishly tall."

N: "I'm sorry?  Who *are* you people?  And why am I not getting anything 
besides... er..." *blush*

D: "Aww, that's so cute!"

Dom: "Hey, Nate-  Who's your fan club?"

T: "GAH!"

A: "We're sorry!  We didn't mean it!"

D: "He's ugly!  Not attractive at all!  Don't kill us?"

T: "It's all them.  I'm just... wow.  That's a nice coffee machine... why's it 
almost empty?"

A: "We mean no harm!"

D: "I like the other one better.  I swear."

Dom: "Um, right.  What are you talking about, and which 'other one'?"

A: "We're not attracted to your significant other in the least.  And think 
homicidal and desperately in need of a can opener."

N: "What?"

T: "Your evil twin."

Dom: "Ew..."

D: "Like you've never thought of a threesome."

T&D&A&Dom: *headtilt ponder*

N: "HEY!"

J: "Nathan, shield.  You're giving me a headache."

N: "But!"

J: "I'm aware.  Domino, always a pleasure.  This is Andrea, Timey, and A.j.  
They're having some reality-displacement issues that Hank and Reed are working 
on solving.  They'll be staying until it's straightened out.  And Charles and I 
have been working on why we can't read anything more than emotion from them."

Dom: "Hey, Jean.  And how do they know Stryfe?"

T: "We're right *here*."

D: "We don't know Stryfe, exactly.  We know *of* him, and I'm personally 
attracted to a man who knows what he wants and is rather ruthless in acquiring 
it."

A: "She's a lawyer."

Dom: "Oh, that explains it."

N: "That explains nothing!  He's... he's EVIL!"

A to T: "He's even more of a four-year-old than either of us make him."

T: "He's confused."

A&T: "Awwww!"

Dom: "You two are odd."

D: "He's misunderstood.  He had a bad childhood!"

J: "You repeat that a lot, don't you?"

D: "You're not wrong.  Bobby!"

B: "Hi, Drea!  Nate, Domino.  I see you've met our new visitors."

A: "Yay!  You found the t-shirt!"

B: "I am the studly."

D: "You sure are..."

N: "Wait, you not only like *Stryfe*, you like Drake?"

T: "She's twisted.  We've accepted this."

B: "Hey!"

Dom: "Nate, we have to go downstairs and prep the kids."

N: "What?  Oh.  Er..."

J: "Don't worry, Nathan.  Bobby and I will keep an eye on our guests."

T: "We're RIGHT HERE, you know."

J: "So you keep informing us."

G: "Hey, someone wanted eggs?"

A: "Ooo!  Nice meeting you, Nate!  Domino, you're my personal hero.  Please kick 
his ass at least once downstairs.  Can you scramble them with salsa?"

G: "No problem, chere."

Nate: "Hey!"

Dom: "Um..."

T: "Don't mind her.  Tinfoil is her worst enemy and greatest love."

Dom: *snigger*  "At least she's forthright about it.  C'mon, lug.  We got kids 
to smack around."

J: "Go, Nathan."

N: *sigh*

D whisper to B: "He is so whupped."

B: "Yep."

N: "I can still hear you, you know."

Dom: "Go."

N: "Yes, ma'am."

T: "Aww!"

D: "They are rather adorable in an extremely freaky way."

J: "I honestly have to agree with that."

B: "If you can call a scary seven-foot ex-mercenary wanted all over the world 
for crimes against humanity and his albino equally-scary girlfriend adorable."

T: "He's six-eight, and we can."

B: "...right.  Gambit said something about eggs?"

***

D: "Who knew Gambit could cook?"

B: "We did."

T: "Besides you, dumbass."

A: "I did. He IS Cajun.  Cajun men are weird about their cooking."

D: "...Not the point. I think that was the best omelet I've ever had."

G: "Well, I 'preciate the compliment, chere."

B: "Hey!  This is my fan!  Get your own!"

G: "What?"

T: "Never mind.  So, clues on what we should do for the rest of the day?"

J: "Well, Hank says it's going to take at least another few hours before he's 
got the correct dimensional coordinates.  Bobby can take you upstairs and show 
you some rooms.  They've all got television and cable, so you could do that."

D: "He can take us upstairs, huh?"

A (all getting up): "There she goes."

B: "Okay, I officially like their dimension.  A lot."

G: "You only say that because the femme be hittin' on you."

B: "...and?"

T (gooses Gambit): "You still have a cute ass, cajun."

A: "But you do realize you're wearing hot pink, right?"

G: "It is tastefully done."

A: "Believe what you want."

Tabitha Smith: "Yo!  Freezerburn, you in here?"

B *longsuffering sigh* : "Yes, Tabitha?"

D: "BITCH!"

T: "HA!  Oh, this is going to be entertaining..."

TS: "Do I know you?"

D: "No!"

TS: "Whatever.  Look, Beast told me to tell you that he's making progress on the 
phase-majig and it might not take as long as he thought it would."

B: "Weren't you in a training session with Cable and Domino?"

G: "..I am not gay!"

A: "The clothes make the man, LeBeau."

TS: "Jimmy knocked me into a bush and broke my nail.  My NAIL.  I went to the 
medlab, but Hank gave me no sympathy and made me run up here."

D: "Did someone give you *lessons* on being an idiot?"

TS: "Hey!  Watch it, bitch, or I'll jam one of my-"

D: "'Stupid little balls of light up your ass.' Whatever, trailer trash Barbie."

B&T: *snigger*

B: *cough* "Now, Andrea..."

TS: "Who ARE you?  You don't know what I can do!"

A: "Look, Remy, there's nothing wrong with alternative lifestyles.  I mean, 
you're a mutant.  There's not much worse out there than that, anyway."

D: "You're a big skanky ho who wouldn't know style if it bit you on your lycra-
encoated sausage-like ass!"

T: "God, this is better than the theater!"

TS (powers up): "THAT'S IT!"

D: "Oh, bring it, you dumb whore!"

B: "That's it...  TABITHA!" (ices over a bomb) "She's HUMAN.  Even if she 
wasn't, this is the kitchen!"

TS: "But she-"

B: "What are you, four?  Now go back downstairs or I'm letting Domino know about 
this little stunt!"

D: "Pbbbbbbt.  He likes me better."

T: "No, *she's* four."

TS&D: "Hey!"  ::share a look::  "HEY!"

G: "Pink is slimming!"

J: "Um, what's going on in here?"

All: "Nothing!"

J: "Can't a girl even step out to go to the bathroom?"

B (looking meaningfully at Tabitha): "NOTHING is going on, Jean.  Tabitha was 
just letting us know that Beast is making progress with the girls' little 
problem."

TS (sulk): "Right."

T: "No, they were fight- OW!"

D: "Was that me?  I don't think that was me."

T: "Bitch."

D: "Slut."

J: "I wouldn't finish that line of thought, children."

A: "I was telling Gambit it's okay to be homosexual."

All: "..."

A: "Well, it IS."

G: "The fille don' know what she's sayin!"

A: "Do we need to discuss the electric blue?"

J: "Whatever.  Tabitha, go downstairs."

TS: "Yes, ma'am."

J: "And Drea?"

D:  "Er, yes?"

J: "Please don't anger people with plasma powers, alright?"

D: "But-!"

J: *sigh*  "Even if you think they suck."

D: "Hey!  No mind reading!"

J: "I can't.   You were just projecting really REALLY loud.  Now, are we clear?"

D: "Yes, ma'am."

J: "Good.  Now, Robert?"

B: "Hmm?"

J: "Please show them their rooms."

G: "Jus' because a homme, he wear the lycra, don' mean he play for the same 
team!!"

A: "Oh, stuff it.  You like men.  So Drake, you said you have satellite tv 
then?"

B: "Cable actually.  Warren won't fork out the cash for the separate receivers.  
But we do have HBO."

Sam: "Jean?  Cable sent me up to-"

D: "OHMYGOD!" *hyperventilate*

A: "Whoops.  There she goes..."

J: "Oh, for the..."

T: "Hi, Sam."

B: "Drea, *breathe*."

D: *incoherent screeching noises*

T: "Wow.  I didn't know she could make that noise."

G: "I didn' know *anyone* could make dat noise..."

S: "Ma'am, are you okay?"

D: "OHMYGOD!" *tackle*

S: "Er-!"

B: "Hey..."

T: "And so the great Bobby versus Sam mental war begins."

A: "I'd take 'em both."

T: "No, kidding."

S: "Um, miss?  I kind of ne-EEE-d that leg-  Miss?"

J: "Drea?  I don't think Sam can quite breathe..."

D: (gets off Sam a bit) "What?  Oh!  Sorry!  Oh, my god!  This is the best day 
of my life!"

T: "Really?"

D: "Well, not completely, but it's in the top two."

A: "Wow!  His face is really red.  I haven't seen anyone blush like that 
before."

J: "Heh.  You should have seen the time we found him and T-"

T: "You might not want to finish that sentence."

D: "EW!"

S (doing the cute bewildered thing) "Er.."

T: *snigger*  "Drea, you are so fucking easy."

D: "But!  But!"

T: "She *is* his girlfriend."

B: "Yes! He has a girlfriend!  I don't!"

T: "Blocking out the giant pants, are we?"

B: "You know about-"

T&D&A: "Yes."

B: "Oh."

D (gets off Sam, but drags him up by his hand and won't let go): "Aww!  You poor 
baby!"

T: "How did you end up with skeezy, Opal, anyway?"

B: "Er... desperation?"

A: "That's a reason.

T: "You know she put you two in a relationship once."

B&S: "What!?"

D: "Only once! And you were just buying him flowers..."

B: "I am NOT gay!!!"

T: *rolls eyes* "Riiiight."

A: "Aww!  You two'd be a cute!"

D *stamps foot*: "For the last time, BOBBY DRAKE IS NOT GAY!"

All: ...

G: "Me either!"

B: "Er.  What she said."

D *sniff*: "Well.  I'm glad that's settled."

S: "I need to go back downstairs now."

D: "Can we come?"

J&S&B: "No!"

J: "Security, you know..."

S: "Right!  Security!"

B: "Rooms!  You need rooms!"

D: "I want one with Bobby and Sam included!"

T: "Of course you do."

D: "Just to... talk."

T: "That's what they're calling it these days?"

D: "Energetic talking?"

A: "Ew."

D: "With gestures."

T: "'Gestures'?  Gestures.  More like 'groping'."

B: "You know, we're sitting right here."

J: "Not for long."

D: "They're pretty!"

T: "You want to have a threesome with a CPA and a Kentucky farmboy! That's 
WRONG!"

B: "More than a little, thanks."

D: "...it sounds so *dirty* when you put it like that."

A: "Can we go upstairs yet?  I'm sugar crashing over here."

G: "No one cares."

A: "Ass."

G: "I have a nice one, t'anks."

T: "No kidding." *grope*

***

B: "And because no one knows how long you all will be staying, you guys can 
share this suite."

T: "There's suites?"

A: "Since when?"

B: "Well, it's actually just two rooms that share a bathroom.  There's a lounge 
right down the hall with the tv and a couple game stations."

D: "This *was* a school, guys."

A: "Yeah, but you forget that, what with no classes and stuff."

B: "You know, it's distinctly creepy to have our lives and home talked about 
like it's some sort of movie."

T: "Well, try dealing with being in a fictional world."

B: "It's not fictional."

T: "To us, it's fictional.  You're not real.  Neither is this house, or any of 
the people we've met today."

A: "Except the lady on the bus."

T: "What?"

A: "The lady on the bus could have been real."

T: "Shut up."

B: "See, I get that, but it's still really strange."

T: "Get over it.  We'll be gone in a day or so."

D: "Much to our depression."

T: "Speak for yourself.  These people are all too fucking tall."

D: "Shorty."

A: "Hey, I thought you'd be glad to be out of Wisconsin."

B: "You're from Wisconsin?  No way!"

T: "Fuck off."

D: "She's still bitter about being raised in a town that's mostly craft stores."

A: "And cheese."

D: "Cheese stores too."

A: "And Haille Barry lives near her."

T: "Will you stop harping on that!"

B: "Who?"

D: "The woman who played Storm in the X-Men movie."

B: "There was a movie?"

A: "Yep!"

T: "Yes."

D: "You were very adorable, if jailbait."

B: "What!?"

A: "You were like fifteen.

T: "And had a crush on Rogue. Then dating her."

D: "You had a bigger role in the second movie though."

B: "Was I still underage?  Wait, how was I underage?"

T: "They can't fit thirty years of continuity into a two hour movie.  They 
chopped."

B: "Wait, thirty years?"

A: "Yeah, how does the time work around here?  Like do you have an adventure 
every week or something?"

D: "No kidding.  I mean, just how old *is* everyone?"

B: "You don't know?"

A: "Marvel's kinda dodgy on timelines."

D: "Yeah, they're trying to convince us that Scott's like 29."

A: "And that Jubilee was thirteen for close to ten years."

D: "Or like Kitty with Claremont's retcon."

T *snort*: "Which was so retconned."

B: "Well, Scott's not 29.  And I'm not underage.  I went to college for pity's 
sake!"

A: "I guess everyone thought you were really really smart?"

T: "Heh."

B: "Shut it, Wisconsin girl."

T: "Fuck you, accountant."

D: "Hey!  No need for harsh feelings!"

B&T: *blink*

D: "Er.  Um.  Maybe we should be alone for awhile?"

B: "Riiight.  I'll come and get you if Hank finishes.  Or for dinner.  Which ever's first.  If you need anything, just push the button on the comm by the door."

A&T&D: "Bye!"

*** 

A: "Dude, this sucks!"

T: "What's wrong now?"

A: *clicks the button on the remote* : "There are like five hundred channels, and the only things on are sports, beer commercials, and reality television."

D: "That's like hell, but without the broccoli."

T: *raises eyebrow*

D: "What?  It's nasty!"

A: "Bleh.  I quit.  This has defeated me."

D: "The cable defeated you?"

T: "Heh."

A: "Pbbbbbbbbbbt.  Dude, you know what I really want?"

D: "What?"

A: "I wanna take Hank home."

D: "Oooh.  Bobby could do my taxes."

T: "I can't believe you're saying this.  They can't come home with us. We don't 
even know if we *can* get home!  Besides, they're important characters who have 
a major impact on future storylines."

A: "Who fathered Opal's baby is an important story line?"

T: "Shut up.  And if we take them home, we'll be Mary Sue's."

D: "You're just sore because Dom'd kick your ass if you tried to drag Nate."

T: "Okay, that's beside the point.  Anyway.  What would we do with them?  I 
mean, I can't just pull an identity out of thin air, let alone two."

D: "There is that."

A: "Oh, I'm sure Julie could manage something."

D: "Your roommate scares me."

A: "Me too.  But she cooks really well.  And she feeds and waters the Mo."

D: "Oh.  That is important."

T: "But are you *sure*?  Can se get them identities?  And can skippy build an 
image inducer good enough not to get him locked up in a zoo?"

A: "Hrr.  There is that."

D: "Damn.  I really wanted that automatic ice machine."

T: "Whatever.  You just wanted inspiration for Bobbysmut."

D: "That too."

A: "Stupid reality.  Can I at least molest him?"

T: "Knock yourself out.  Drea's already got Bobby on his back."

D: "And it was SO. AWESOME!"

T: "God, I need a drink."

A: "..."

D: "..."

T: "...

All: "SHIT!"

A: "How did we forget Lyss?!"

D: "Oh, god.  I knew I shouldn't have had that fifth Kahlua."

T: "This is entirely too fucked up."

D: "Eh?"

T: "Why did we just *now* remember Lyss was with us?"

D: "Because the writer's really bad and has lost the plot and needs another cast member?"

All: "..."

A: "We're going into a 'meanwhile' moment, aren't we?"

D *hitting the intercom button*: "BOBBY!"

***

(Meanwhile...)

Kitty: "But I don't know!"

Moira: "She breached security with no problems!  You're the computer expert!"

KP: "Just because no one else bothers to turn on a computer, I'm the default guru...  Do you know how entirely unfair that is?  And as far as the system is concerned, she just *appeared* out of nowhere this morning!"

Lyss: "I am sitting right here, you know."

M: "Hush, you.  That's not possible!"

KP: "Possible or not, it's true, okay?  That woman appeared out of thin air in the middle of your bed.  And you're just cranky because you collapsed on her after *another* all-nighter in your lab.  Hey, you're trying to distract me!"

M: "Damn."

L: "Look, have any of you had any luck finding my friends?  They're kind of hard to miss."

KP: "We've scanned the island twice.  There's no one here who isn't supposed to be but you."

L: "Have you tried calling anyone else?  Because the last I remembered, I was in Chicago drinking."

M: "Well, she's not a mutant, so that overrules a teleportation ability."

L: "Eh?  How do you know that?"

M: "Scanned you earlier.  Kathrine, are you sure she just appeared out of thin air?"

KP: "No, but I don't have a better way of explaining it.  Wait, you were in Chicago?"

L: "Yes."

KP: "Where?  Specifically?"

L: "Er... downtown.  In my friend Drea's appartment."

KP: "You mentioned that.  But *where*?"

L: "It's on Madison.  Near Canal."

M: "Kitty, are you on to something?"

KP: "Yeah, I've been all over Chicago, and I don't recognize those names."

L: "What?  They're right downtown!"

KP: "That's my point.  What's the big building?"

L: "The main one?  The Sears tower, why?"

KP: "Huh."

M: "What?"

KP: "Oh, I'm surprised I didn't think of this before!  It's so *simple*!"

M&L: "WHAT!?"

KP: "Lyss, have you ever heard of 'alternate realities'?"

M: *headsmack* "Oy."

L: "Oh, hell. Are you sure I'm not still drunk?"

*** 

J: "Are you sure she ended up in this reality?"

T&D&A: "No."

B: "Then what makes you think she might be?"

T: "Because it would be the stupidest possible plot twist ever."

D: "Thus validating it completely."

B&J : "What?"

A: "We figured we're in a story where the author is on total crack, or sugar."

T: "Yeah."

J: "Okay, start this from the top.  You think your friend Lyssie is somewhere here?"

T: "In this universe, yes."

B: "And you want us to see if we can locate her?"

D: "Yes!  Lyss must not be abandoned!"

A: "She might get her shoe peed on by a rat."

T: "Will you shut the fuck up about that?  Look, she has to be here.  We wouldn't have randomly thought of her if she weren't."

J: "That makes absolutely no sense."

D: "And us randomly appearing does?"

B: "Well...  yes."

A: "Okay, your world is really frelled up."

J: "Frell?  Wha-?"

T: "Look.  Can you *please* just call around the big bases and see if anyone's picked up a pretty redhead with knowledge of the future?  That isn't Jean?  Or Rachel?"

D *blinking cutely at Bobby* : "Pleeeeease?"

A: "She'll let you sign her boob again."

B looks at J.

J *sigh*: "Fine.  I'll dig out the rolodex."

***

Rita: "Four Freedom's tower, Rita speaking, how my I direct your call?"

KP: "Rita?"

R: "Kitty?  Hey, you want to talk to Franklin?  He's a little grounded right now-"

KP: "No, no, maybe later.  I have a question to ask-  Wait, did you say grounded?"

R: "Literally."

KP: "Do I want to know?"

R: "Gravity again."

KP: "Oh.  Heh.  Give him my sympathies.  But no, I wanted to talk to Dr. Richards.  I have someone here who's probably from an alternate reality-"

R: "Another one?"

KP: "What?"

R: "We had three girls here this morning.  Dr. Richards shipped them over to the mansion because he leant Dr. McCoy his equipment last month."

KP: "He sent them to- Wait.  Three?  Really loud girls?  Hard to miss?"

R: "Yep.  Two brunettes and one with lighter brown hair.  All kinda pasty."

KP: "Slightly hung over?"

R: "They woke up in Central Park."

KP: "Oh, good."

R: "What?"

KP: "We found another one."

R: "In Scotland?  You're kidding."

KP: "Heh, no.  Moira sat on her."

R: "Ha!"

KP: "Yeah, so I'll just dial the mansion.  Thanks, Rita!"

***

Brian: "Moira?  Do you happen to have any milk?  I'm quite- Oh.  Um.  Hello?"

L: "Brian! Hi! How're the nightmares? Seen the Blackwall yet?"

B: "Who ARE you...?

L: "Never mind."

M: "Er.  Brian, this is Lyss.  She...arrived this morning."

L: "I'm from an alternate dimension."

B: "Oh."

L: "And, apparently, a different time."

B: "..."

L: "Aww!  Look!  He went all trauma-boy."

M: "Heh... I mean, yes.  Brian.  There's milk in the fridge.  Or, there *should* be.  I went down the market on Thursday."

B *wandering off*: "*sniff*  Thank you..."

L: "Man, if I'm stuck here, that will *never* get old."

KP: "Okay!  I just got off the line with the mansion.  Turns out your friends are there."

L: "YAY!"

KP: "And because Reed Richards lent Hank McCoy-"

L: "Beast!"

KP: "-right.  Since Reed Richards lent Hank his dimensional equipment, we have to get you there.  Hank's working on the problem, and according to Bobby-"

L: "BOBBY!  Wow.  Drea must be happy."

KP: "-he's getting close to a break through."

L: "On getting us home?"

KP: "Yep.  Apparently, your friends have been freaking out about finding you too, because Jean was about to phone us up to ask about you."

L: "Well, that's good.  So.  I'm going to New York?"

M: "Yer going to New York."

L: "SCORE!"

***

Strange Mystical Guy #1: "All elements are in place."

Strange Mystical Guy #2: "Are you sure?  Because the last time we tried this, they weren't and we ended up scraping bits off the television for weeks."

SMG#1: "Look, I'm trying to be all dark and mystical here.  Can you have some respect for the ambiance?"

SMG#2: "What ambiance?  We're in Guido's basement with candles and drapes over the windows!  All it is is dark enough that I can't see the table and bang my shin every time I get up to get a Coke."

SMG#1: "It's mystical!  Now shut up and quite whining.  We did it right this time."

SMG#2: "Are you sure?"

SMG#1: "I'm sure, okay?  Didn't you wake up face first on the floor this morning?"

SMG#2: "I thought that was because of the reefer."

SMG#1: "It was *incense* and you're not Jamaican, so just call it marijuana.  You're not even black."

SMG#2: "Not my fault genetics are against me.  And that stuff packed a punch.  Are you sure it was magic and not the guy at the psychic store screwing us over?"

SMG#1: "YES.  Now shut up and be quiet so I can get on with the dark magic ritual that will bring us power and women from beyond the veil!"

SMG#2: "Fine, FINE.  But can we move Guido off the floor first?  He's snoring really loud."

***

KP: "I can't *believe* Kurt did that!  He's supposed to sign it out!  There's a bloody schedule and a time sheet and a pen attached to a string!  It's not that difficult a concept..."

M: "Katherine Pryde, you calm down right now.  Kurt is a grown man and if he wants tae go off and carouse, he's more'n welcome."

KP: "But he's not supposed to take it off the island without letting someone know!"

M: *sigh*

L

L: "Anyway, Kitty, listen. Darlin', when you meet Rigby Fallon, just kill him dead. Phase him through a computer console, or something. Wait, wait, has Nate Grey been here yet?"

M: "Aye. He's off walking around Muir.  Why?"

L: "REALLY? Good. Someone go kill him."

KP: "... Isn't all that a little extreme?  On all counts?"

L: "Only if you don't want your, and your friends collective lives to go down the crapper.  Rather dramatically."

M: "Well... we *do* have the laser canon-"

KP: "Moira!"

M: "What?"

KP: "What!?  You're talking about a human life!"

M: "A human life that whines and complains about the food, beds, and general state of this facility all the while hogging my hot water."

KP: "That's not a reason to kill someone."

M: "My you're getting opinionated in yer old age.  One'd think Pete'd loosen ye up a bit.  Besides, he's only a refuge from a different reality..."

L *falls over laughing*

KP: "... you SUCK."

*

L: "Let me get this straight. You're putting me in the Midnight Flit, with Kurt."

KP: "Yes..?"

L: "Well, I promise not to damage him *under breath* much."

KP: "What?"

L: "Nothing."

***

L: Kurt! One last thing! Don't go to Germany with Pete! Bad things Happen!



*

T: "Dammit!  All I get is the manwhore!"

L: "You can have Kurt."

K: "I would be honored, fraulein."

T: *glower*  "I don't want sloppy seconds."

K *takes and kisses hand* : "I assure you, mein dear.  I am anything but sloppy."

T: "..."  *melt*

A to D: "Oh, my GOD, that was cute."

D: *nod* "Lyss so gets a whole bottle of pucker for that scene alone."

*

J: "What are you..." 

T: "Shut up. In my universe, not all chicks are at least 5' 6" with size double 
Ds."

*

T: "Is this going to work?  How can you be sure of the coordinates?  What if 
Presidential Towers in this reality is five feet south of the one in our 
reality?  Wouldn't that land one of us in a wall?"

MC: "Hmm.  Good point.  Scott?  Would you like to handle this one?"

S: "Fine.  It isn't, and you won't."

D: "But are you *sure*?"

S: "Yes."

T: "How?"

S: "I kick ass at spatially-based geometry."

A: "Ha!  I told you I like him."

T: "That's not an answer!  And they've all but ret-conned that ability!"

D: "They did?"

T: "Well, it hasn't been mentioned in about ten years."

A: "Neither has Morph, but he's still got fans."



A: "What next?  Are we gonna be attacked by vampires?"

T: "Will you shut up with the Buffy?"

A: "I don't watch that show!"

D: "Stop being bitter about its popularity."

T: "Fuck you."

D: "Again with the later, sweetie."

T: "I'm so going to kick those idiot's asses.  There's just not even another option.

L: "Want me to hold your jacket?"

T: "Yes."

*


D: "...ow."

T: "Fuuuuuck."

L: *whimper*

A: "I.  Hate. My. Head."