"Ah... greetings, young truthseeker.  I see you have found your way to 
my lair.  How... brave... you must be.  Sit, sit, young truthseeker!  Once 
you have entered the Oracle's lair, the Oracle's tale you must hear.  It is a 
tale of woe, a tale of horror, a tale of--"
	"Babsy, do you have any more of those things with the caramel and the 
peanuts?  The trick-or-treaters keep taking them, and I really want one."
	"Begone, foul boyfriend!  You sully this sanctorum of terror!"
	"'Sanctorum of'-- Babs, you're sitting in a dark room and holding a 
flashlight under your chin."
	"You're killing the ambience, Short Pants!  Get out!"
	"Oh, is it scary story time?  I want to hear the scary story."
	"It's not a scary story!  It's a twisted yarn of tragic, gruesome, 
horrific events which will test the courage of even the most stalwart of 
listeners!"
	Dinah's voice rang out over the computer link, "Besides, I'm on a ten-
hour flight, it's Halloween, and I want a damn scary story.  Scary story me, 
Mystic Oracle!"
	"That I shall do, young truthseeker!  Now, where was I?"
	"Tale of woe and horror."
	"That's right!  This is a tale of woe, a tale of horror, but most of 
all... a tale of tragic, ill-fated love."
	"Hey, hold on!  Is there going to be... *kissing* in this?"
	"Probably."
	"Oh, BOY!"
	"This is sick..."
	"It all started on the 21st day of month of September... in an early 
year of a decade not too long before our own.  The human race suddenly 
encountered a deadly threat to its very existence.  And this terrifying enemy 
surfaced, as such enemies often do, in the seemingly most innocent and 
unlikely of places..."

Barbara Gordon's Little Clocktower of Horror Presents:
Don't Feed the Plants

	"Tim."
	"Yes?"
	"Houseplants do not belong in the Batcave."
	". . ."
	The Dark Knight made a point not to look at the perky little leaves 
peeking over the edge of the terra cotta pot perched cheerily atop the 
Batcomputer.
	"Oh.  That."
	There was no reply.
	"It's not a houseplant."
	"I don't care what Alfred told you it was, he was lying in order to 
get you on his side.  Get it out of here."
	"No, no, Bruce!  It's a *science experiment.*"
	Batman continued to enter data into the Cray, continuing to not stare 
at the plant.  "Go on."
	"Well, remember the last time we were fighting Poison Ivy, and she had 
those evil flytrap things that obeyed all her commands and you got bit on--"
	"Cut to the chase, Tim."
	"Oh, right.  Well, anyway, when we got home, remember you had that 
slime mold on your--"
	"Abridge, Tim."
	"Oh, well, anyway, I found a seed pod stuck to my cape, and I thought 
that maybe if we could cultivate it, we could figure out how she gets them to 
do what she wants, and then maybe--"
	"Bad idea, Tim."
	"Well, I was just thinking that--"
	"Bad.  Idea.  Tim."
	"I was just thinking that--"
	"Number one, get it off the Batcomputer."
	Tim snatched the plant away.
	"Number two, you've heard the story about Dick and the Cactus Woman 
Spore."
	"This is nothing like the Cactus Woman Spore."
	Slowly, the Batman removed his attention from his computer, and 
turned, leveling the full strength of a 10,000 kilowatt BatGlare at his 
protege.
	"Well, maybe just a teeny bit like the Cactus Woman Spore.  A very big 
teeny bit."
	SPLAT.
	Tim looked up suddenly one of the shadows behind Bruce plunked a large 
clump of muddy clay onto the desk in front of the keyboard.
	"Got away," the shadow announced glumly.
	"Was anyone hurt?"
	There was a pause, and the shadow pointed at the lump of mud.  "Him."
	A small grin cracked the facade of the Bat.  "Good job."
	Tim blinked.  "Is that a piece of Clayface?  You beat up Clayface?"
	The shadow reached up and pulled off her mask, revealing the round, 
sweaty face of Cassandra Cain.  "Went down sewer.  Stinky.  Gone when I get 
there." She leaned down to squint critically at the pot in Tim's hands.  "What 
is that?"
	"It's... um..."
	"A Cactus Woman Spore."
	Tim flushed.
	"Sad plant.  Dying?"
	"I... water it every day," Tim excused.
	Cass grabbed the dripping clump of clay off the desk, and squished it 
into the pot.  "Happy plant.  Now grow big."
	Batman cleared his throat.
	Tim jerked the plant away.  "I'm going to go put this in with the 
other plant cultures."
	"Tim..."
	"I'll put it in an isolation hood.  And torch it at the first sign of 
Cactus Womanhood."
	Batman Glowered.  His glower could have melted uranium.
	"I have plant, too?" Cass asked hopefully.
	"No."
	Meanwhile, Tim smoothed the clay around the edges of the pot, as he 
carried the plant across the Batcave.  "You like that, huh?  Maybe that'll help 
you grow."  He thought for a moment.  "You need a name, little plant.  And it 
won't be Cactus Woman Spore, either."  He glanced back over his shoulder.  
"I think I'll call you... Cassandra II."

	*	*	*

	"I would just like to clarify something."
	"Yes, Dick?"
	"It's about the Cactus Woman Spore.  I mean, all that happened is that 
it got out of its pot when it was still pretty small and ran around the Batcave 
and took us about a week to find it, and by that time, it had melted down 
into plant goo again, and was a big mess to clean up."
	"I know all about the Cactus Woman Spore."
	"I know *you* do, but you're making it sound all sordid and stuff!  It 
was just a big goopy mess, and a pain, that's all.  I don't want Dinah to think 
it was all some sort of... some sort of..."
	"Painful, cactusy experience when ended up in a big goopy mess?" Dinah 
offered helpfully.
	"Can we just get on with the damn story?"

	*	*	*

	"Whatcha doing, Timmy?"
	Tim jumped.  "Jeez, Steph, don't scare me like that!  What is that?"
	Stephanie Brown presented the large white rodent clutched in her 
gloved hands.  "Batman gave me an experiment to run with one of the Hatter's 
brain controller doohickeys.  This is my subject-- Mr. Snuffles!"
	Tim blinked.  "You named him yourself, didn't you?"
	"Yup!  Isn't he precious?"
	"And you're going to mind-control him?"
	"Yup!"
	Tim frowned.  Since when did Steph get to do experiments?  Batman 
might have high hopes for Steph's superhero qualifications, but it was no secret 
that she wasn't exactly Marie Curie.  Tim mentally scolded himself.  If 
Batman was giving her projects to do, obviously she deserved them, and he 
should be proud of her.
	"What's your science project?" Steph asked, cuddling Mr. Snuffles.
	"Um, it's, uh, one of Ivy's sentient plants," Tim excused lamely.
	"Really?  It doesn't look sentient to me."  Steph poked it harshly 
with one finger.  "Hey!  Wake up!"
	"It's only a few weeks old, and I think I may be using the wrong kind 
of fertilizer; it's really very--"
	Suddenly, the head of the plant twisted around, and snatched at 
Stephanie's finger.
	"OW!"
	"Did you see that?" Tim gaped.
	"I stuck my finger on one of the thorns!" Steph scowled.  "Right 
through the glove, too!"
	"No, no, it moved, didn't you see it?"
	Steph gave him a glare.  "Plants don't move."
	"Poison Ivy's plants do!"
	"And she's not here.  You're imagining things, Tim."
	"It moved!"
	"Do you want to help me set up a maze for Mr. Snuffles?"
	"No, it just--"
	"Well, then, can I borrow your soldering kit?"
	"Yeah, I guess so.  I'm gonna go find Batman and tell him--"
	"Tim."  Steph (and Mr. Snuffles) gave him a doubting look.  "Batman 
doesn't care about thorns.  Give it up."
	She sauntered off into the depths of the Cave.
	Tim frowned.  It sure seemed like Steph was getting to be more and 
more of a pain every time-- Tim shook his head.  Steph was not a pain.  She was 
his girlfriend and he loved her, even if things had been a little strained since 
Batman took her on and he really shouldn't let it affect him this way...
	As his thoughts wandered, he glanced at the plant again.  There was a 
little smear of blood across one of the thorns-- maybe he had pictured it 
after all...
	Then a remarkably tongue-like leaf slipped out and wiped away the 
liquid.
	Tim's eyes bugged.
	"You just moved!  I saw you!"  He squinted at the plant.  "I don't get 
you.  You barely grow at all for weeks, wilt until you're almost dead, and 
then... you start moving.  What did it?"
	The obvious thought hung in front of Tim's eyes.
	Blood.
	It was the blood.
	"Plant is sick?"
	Tim nearly jumped out of his skin.  "Cass!  I didn't see you there."
	Cassandra leaned near the plant, examining it critically.  "Look 
better today."
	Tim looked at the plant.  Oddly enough, it did look a little perkier.  
"It moved.  It just moved."
	Cass' eyes opened wider.  "Neat!  Tell Batman?"
	"Uh, no.  I mean, it just twitched... could have been the wind... 
or... something.  He'd get mad if it was a false alarm."
	"Neat."
	Tim smiled wanly.  "Yeah.  I guess so.  I'm going to do a chlorophyll 
count on it and make sure--"
	Cass frowned.  "Patrol."
	"I already ran a patrol tonight."
	"My patrol."
	"Ok.  Go on patrol."
	"Come too!"
	Tim frowned.  "You want me to go on patrol with you?  Why?"
	Cass shrugged offhandedly.  "Will be fun.  And may want hamburger.  No 
money."
	Tim chuckled.  "I see your game, Cain."
	"No game!  We go patrol, you buy food.  Fun!"
	At least she was straightforward about things.  He had to appreciate 
that.
	"Sure thing, Batgirl.  Let me get my cape."
	The plant could wait for now.

***

	"How's the plant project going?"
	"Hrrmm?" Tim pulled his face out of the keyboard where he had not-so 
surreptitiously been napping.
	"Your plant.  Ivy's specimen that you were trying to cultivate."
	Noticing the gleaming Bat-eyes narrowed at him, Tim scrambled to 
attention, not realizing that he had a rather distinct grid pattern impressed 
into his cheek from the keys.  "It's, uh, it's doing ok."
	"It's huge," Batman replied.
	"It's not that big," Tim shrugged.
	"Any signs of sentience?"
	"I... thought I saw it move once.  Steph said it was just my imagination."
	Batman nodded tersely.  "Well, you're doing well.  Keep at it.  And Tim?"
	"Yeah?"
	"Is there any way you could... assist Spoiler with her project.  If I find 
that test rat in the Batmobile one more time..."
	"Mr. Snuffles?"
	The resulting glower sizzled three years off Tim's life.
	"Er, right.  No problem."
	"Great.  I'm going out."
	"See ya."  Tim sighed.  Well, at least Bruce seemed a little happier about 
his plant project.  Huge?  Cass II had looked a little perkier before he and 
Cass I had gone out on Fast Food Patrol, but she was still pretty anemic.  Tim 
frowned at his choice of words.
	Stretching, he walked over to the botany portion of the lab.  And blinked.
	Cass II sat in her pot, roughly the size and shape of a cabbage, leaves 
and vines curling cheerily around the edges.
	She hadn't been half that size when he'd left, he was sure of it.
	"You're playing tricks on me, aren't you?"
	The plant, predictably, did not respond.
	"It was the blood, wasn't it?  I knew it.  You're carnivorous.  That's 
just like Ivy."  Tim glanced around the Cave.  He was alone.  Carefully, he 
pulled a batarang out of his belt and held his arm over the pot.  With a quick 
slash, a splash of blood darkened the soil.
	Tim shuddered.  Why had he done that?  Because he wanted the plant to 
grow, that's why.  And it was just a little blood.  In the name of science. 
Nothing wrong with that.  Nothing wrong at all.

	*	*	*

	"So, basically, the Batcave is like a glorified Junior Science Fair?"
	"Yes," Babs replied, chewing on a Baby Ruth.
	"It is not!" Dick protested.
	"Says the boy who once turned in a science project entitled 'The Oxygen-
Bonding Tendencies of Toxic Joker Gas."
	"It was a research poster."
	"Riiiiight."
	"Yeah, well, you should see the Fortress of Solitude.  It's even got one 
of those funny glowing static electricity balls in it."
	"Dude, I've been there!" Dinah piped up.  "It's like a World of 
Science in there!"
	Babs shook her head.  "Can I get back to the story already?"

	*	*	*

	Two weeks later...
	"Tim, LOOK!"
	Tim had just entered the Batcave to see Cass waving at him from the botany 
corner.  He could barely see her waving arm over Cass II's growing foliage.  
He rubbed his arm absently.  He really needed to start taking an extra iron 
supplement... Cass II had been pretty hungry lately...
	"Tim, COME SEE!"
	"I'm coming!"
	Next to the large pot Tim had transplanted Cass II into was a little tray 
containing a potato hooked up to a small LED supply, which was cheerfully 
blinking "7:32."
	Cass beamed.
	"What... is it?" Tim asked.
	"My project!"
	"Um..."
	"Potato clock!"
	"Um... yes.  Cass, you know it's 2 am, right?"
	"Not important!  My project!"
	"You did it all by yourself?"
	Enthusiastic nod.  "Batman help some."
	"Well, that's great, Cass."
	"Like wiring."
	"Wiring is a very useful skill."
	"Help with new project?"
	"You want to do another wiring project?"
	"Yes!  You help!"
	Tim managed a smile.  "No problem."
	Cass grinned, grabbed Tim by the shoulders, and kissed him squarely on the 
nose.
	"Thank you," she said formally.  "Oooh!  Almost forgot!"
	She fumbled around in her utility belt before pulling out a sweaty, 
wrinkled ten-dollar bill.  "Saved old lady!  Gave me this for thank you!"
	"You know Batman doesn't like us to take rewards from people."
	"Was *old lady.*"
	Tim grinned.   Indeed, he did know how some of those moth ball-scented old 
biddies could be, especially after they'd just been saved from a mugging.
	"Take you for burger," Cass announced generously.
	"Cass, you don't have to do that..."
	"You take me for burger."
	"Yeah, but I have an allowance and stuff, and--"
	"I take you for burger!  Please?"  Her brown eyes were shining.
	Cass never had money.  Bruce paid for her clothes and food and other day-
to-day things, but Tim doubted he'd ever give her burger money.
	"Okay, you've got a deal."

	*	*	*

	"I hereby declare Cass with a potato clock the official scariest thing in 
this story!"
	"Hush, you."

	*	*	*

	It was pretty easy to assume that someone who dressed all in black, lived 
alone, in a cave, and rarely talked was introverted.
	Tim was quickly learning that this was not necessarily the case.
	Cass actually did have quite a bit to say.  Her words might be broken and 
a little stuttery, but she motioned with her hands a lot, and was quite talented 
at expressing herself in one or two words where most people took ten times that 
many.  More than that, she seemed to enjoy having relaxed company once in a 
while.  Tim supposed that when the only people you hang out with wanted to solve 
crimes all the time, you might get a little hungry for attention.
	Tim realized with mild surprise that he rather enjoyed having someone just 
to relax with, as well.  He had friends at school, sure, but he always felt 
guilty around them for all the secrets.  And he had Young Justice, of course, 
but then his secrets were just the other way around.  Even with Steph, there had 
been secrets for a long time, and by the time they were all out in the open, 
there was so much bitterness that Tim wasn't quite sure where they stood.
	Cass was like hanging out with Dick.
	A young, pretty Dick who smelled good and had a nice pair of--
	The inherent Timness of Tim shut that thought down at the root.
	"Cass?"
	She perked up from the table where she was inventorying the contents of 
her belt.  "We've, uh, been hanging out a little more often than usual.  Going 
on patrol together and getting food and stuff.  Um... is that okay with you?"
	Her brow crinkled in what Tim had come to recognize as her "Whatchu 
talkin' 'bout, Drake?" face.  Then she nodded quickly.  "Like."
	"Yeah, me too," he replied.  "And I was thinking..."  Was he actually 
asking Batgirl out?  Surely not.  He was... looking for someone to hang out 
with.  That was all.  "Maybe you'd like to hang out this weekend.  In our 
civvies.  We could... catch a movie or something."
	Her face was 100% confused.
	Tim backpedaled furiously.  "Or we can go find another science project for 
you or something!  I was just thinking that maybe... well..."  He was playing 
with the edge of his cape now.
	"Tim?"
	"Huh?"
	"Okay."
	She said yes!  She'd said yes!  Tim's ears burned fire-engine red.
	Cass put her batarang down purposefully.  "See potato clock," she 
announced, and strode over towards her scientific magnum opus.  Tim followed 
dutifully, small cupids still floating around his head.
	"Potato clock still work?" she queried Tim as they headed across the 
Batcave.
	"It should.  Those things are supposed to go for a while."
	"We see!" she replied merrily.  And then stopped short.
	Tim ran into her back.
	Cass' face had gone rigid.
	Tim's blood ran cold.  He couldn't see what she was looking at, but it had 
to have something to do with Cass II.  What else could it be?
	Cass' fists clenched, and her face screwed up.
	Tim managed to move her aside so he could see.
	It had absolutely nothing to do with Cass II.
	It had everything to do with the large white rat sitting atop the LED and 
gnawing purposefully on Cass' potato.  Realizing it was being watched, the rat 
looked up, pink eyes twinkling expectantly at Cass.
	"STUPID!"  Cass' fist swung down, snatching the potato away.  The startled 
rodent scrabbled frantically for cover, and ended up skittering up the terra 
cotta pot nearby, taking refuge under Cass II's sheltering leaves.
	"We got to get him out of there, and back in his cage," Tim scowled.
	Suddenly, there was a rustling from deep inside the plant, followed by a 
squeak, a crunch, and then silence.  And then... chewing.
	Cass dropped her potato.
	"Mr. Snuffles..." Tim murmured, horrified.
	"Neat!" Cass replied.

	*	*	*

	Two hours later, Tim sat in front of Cass II's pot, eyes narrowed.
	He and Cass had made a quick run to the pet store and found a rat that 
ought to be able to fool Steph.  Sure, Mr. Snuffles, the Sequel didn't have the 
conditioning training that his predecessor had gone through, but a mind-
controlled lab rat who liked to escape and sit in the Batmobile really wasn't 
saying much for the power of mind control.
	Cass had gone off for her early morning patrol.
	Tim had elected to stay home and have a talk with his plant.
	"Experiment's over, Two-ey," Tim scowled.  "My blood was one thing, but 
you ate Mr. Snuffles.  It's plant poison for you."
	The leaves rustled.
	"I don't care how great of a scientific find you are.  You're one of 
Ivy's plants and you're dangerous.  I mean, what's next, you're gonna eat Dick?  
I know I took care of you for a long time, but this is IT."
	"Feed me."
	Tim blinked.
	"Come again?"
	"Feed me!"
	"Two-ey, you talked!  You opened your... leaf and you... you..."
	"Feed me, Drake.  Feed me now."
	"I'll just, um... oh, crap, I know we've got some raw meat around here 
somewhere..."
	"Must be blood."
	"Blood?"
	"Must be fresh."
	"Uh-oh..."
	"That li'l rat was nothing but an appetizer.  I want the main course, 
Drake."
	"Main course?  You mean..."
	"You know what I want."
	"I can't do that!  I'm not a murderer!"
	"Oh, I like 'em better live.  You could just bring someone here and I can 
do the rest."
	"I don't know anyone who deserves to die!"
	"Sure you do.  The Joker?  Two-Face?  Scarecrow?  What've they done for 
society lately?"
	Tim scowled.  "What about Poison Ivy?"
	"She ain't never done nothing for me.  Not like you, Drake.  What does the 
world need with those people?  How many people have they killed or tortured or 
hurt?  Don't you think the world would be better with a nice, big, pretty plant 
instead?"
	"I'm not listening to you...  I'm getting the weedkiller..."
	"You think that'll work on me, Drake?  It won't.  But I know something 
that will work on you..."
	"I'm not getting anywhere near you."
	"You don't need to.  Because after I tell that girlfriend of yours that 
you killed her rat and lied to her about it, and that you're cheating on her...  
You'll just wish you were dead."
	This was very, very true.
	"Steph isn't my girlfriend anymore.  And why would she believe you?  
You're just a talking plant."
	"You really believe that?"
	Tim swallowed.
	"Look, Drake, I make you a deal.  Go get me some o' that raw meat you 
promised me-- nice and bloody if you don't mind-- and I'll give you that long to 
think it over.  Then we'll talk."

	*	*	*

	"Babs?  Babs?"
	"Hmm?"
	"I want to be in the story!"
	"You want to be in the story?"
	"Dick got to be in the story."
	"Only in vague references to cactus women and being eaten."
	"I WANNA BE IN THE STORY!"
	"Ok, ok, you can be in the story.  Sheesh."

	*	*	*

	BRNNG!  BRNNG!
	"Dinah?"
	"Hey, Robin, what's up?"
	"You used to be a florist, right?"
	"Yeah, sure."
	"How do you kill a giant maneating plant?"
	"Please tell me you're fighting Poison Ivy."
	"Uh, kinda."
	"Try weed killer."
	"I'm not sure that'll work."
	"So try it!"
	"Well, I don't want the plant to know that I'm trying to kill it."
	". . ."
	"It's got blackmail on me."
	". . ."
	"Unless... that's a great idea!  Dinah, you're a genius!"
	". . ."
	CLICK.
	"Ooo-kay."


	"Mr. Snuffles!  Missssssssterrrrrrrr Snuffffffffffffffffflesssssssss!"
	Steph peeked under the storage lockers.
	Mr. Snuffles had run away again.
	Big surprise.
	She glanced over at the botany area.  She knew he was always trying to get 
at Cass' stupid potato clock.  She walked over to check it out.
	Sure enough, the LED had been disconnected and abandoned-- the potato was 
gone.
	"Mr. Snuffles?  Where are you?"
	There was a slight rustle of leaves.
	"Mr. Snuffles, did you crawl into Tim's dirty old plant?  Bad rat!"
	She pushed aside a few of the leaves, trying to see into the depths of the 
plant.  "Man!  This thing sure is dense."
	She climbed up on the table, and crawled deeper among the vines and 
leaves.
	Cass II smiled.

***

	Tim walked into the Batcave, grinning at his own cleverness.
	He had about twenty pounds of ground beef, doped with every plant, rat and 
people poison he could legally obtain (plus a few that Bruce kept stowed in one 
of the spare Batcaves.)
	The plant was going down.
	"I brought your food, Two-ey," he managed timidly, trying to keep the 
plant from growing suspicious.
	There was no reply.
	"Two-ey?"
	He picked up his pace a little.
	"Two-ey, I've got your food!"
	"Aaahh... I'm kinda full."
	That's when he saw the smears of red all around the plant and the table.
	And then the shreds of purple cloth.
	"Two-ey, you didn't!"
	"Plump and tender!"
	Tim ripped a bang-a-rang out of his belt, and tossed it into the pot, 
covering his ears at the resulting explosion.
	Two-ey laughed.  "You can't hurt me, Drake!  And don't think the poison in 
that meat is gonna get me neither.  But you know what you're going to have to do 
next?"
	"Destroy you," Tim managed, seething with anger.
	"Well, ol' Bats ain't gonna be too happy when he finds out that your plant 
ate his protege..."
	"I'm not responsible for this!"
	"Convenient, too, how you'd just gotten a new girlfriend when Spoiler had 
to go..."
	"I didn't want Steph to die!  You're the one who ate her!"
	"Is Batman gonna believe that?"
	"It's the truth!"
	"If you feed him to me, he doesn't have to believe it."
	"No way!"
	"Have it your way, Tim.  Have it your way."


	*	*	*

	"That so did not happen."
	"What?"
	"Spoiler did not get eaten by a plant."
	"You don't know that."
	"I *do* know that!  She's been text-messaging you for the last twenty 
minutes alternately asking for help with her homework and if you know where 
Tim is!"
	"She could have been eaten by a plant."
	"Dick, it's just a story," Dinah's voice came over the line.  "Besides, 
you bought that part about Batgirl actually having money.  And the part about 
Batman allowing *anything* in his cave to be named 'Mr. Snuffles.'  That's why 
it's a *horror story.*"
	"I give up..."

	*	*	*

	Arkham Asylum.
	Dark.
	Scary.
	Full of crazy people.
	Tim had never been there without Batman before, and he certainly didn't 
want to be there now.
	But this was something he had to do.
	The vegetable must be destroyed.
	"Ivy."
	It was hard to be dramatic when people insisted on being asleep in the 
middle of the night.
	"Pssst!  Ivy!  Wake up!"
	"Rmmph?"
	"It's me, Robin!"
	"Dnno any'n nmd Rbn."
	"Robin!  The..." Tim shuddered.  "Boy Wonder."
	There was some rustling at the other end of the cell, and a pale shape 
detached itself from the bed, and approached him.
	"Gah!" Robin managed.
	"It's the middle of the night, you woke me up, and they won't let me have 
makeup here anyway.  I don't wanna hear it," Ivy grumbled, patting half-
heartedly at her tangled hair.  "What do you want?"
	Tim scowled.  "Do you remember the last time we fought you?"
	"Um... maybe.  I don't know."
	"And you had the giant man-eating Venus flytraps?"
	"Oh.  Those."
	"Well, um... how do you destroy them?"
	Ivy twisted a strand of hair around her finger.  "Why would I want to?"
	"Well, what if they tried to eat one of your friends or something?"
	"Why would they do that?" she asked, squinting at him.  "They do what I 
tell them."
	Tim bit his lip.  "How do you get them to do that?"
	Poison Ivy leaned forward until her nose pressed against the glass of her 
cell.  "Why... the hell... should I tell you?"
	"Um... because I'm cute?"
	"Try again."
	"Because you're a good person?"
	"Ha!"
	"Because I grew one of my own and now it's eating people and I'm going to 
have to blow it up unless it stops."
	Her face paled.  "You grew one of your own?"
	"Um... yeah."
	"You fed it blood, didn't you?"
	"Er... accidentally."
	"From more than one person?"
	"Um... yeah."
	"Idiot!  Now it'll go feral!"
	"Feral?"
	"Whose was the first blood it ate?  Yours?"
	"I think so.  Feral?"
	"Then you can still control it.  It has to do what you say.  You have to 
be firm with it, though."
	Tim frowned.  "No.  No, it wasn't mine.  It was Spoiler's.  She pricked 
her finger on it."
	"Then only she can control the plant.  You have to get the plant to go 
into hibernation, and kill it from there.  It's indestructible otherwise."
	All the color rushed out of Tim's face.  "Indestructible?"
	"I may be crazy, but at least I control my owner killer plants.  What are 
you waiting for?  Go find that Spoiler girl."
	"Um... it kinda ate her."
	Poison Ivy leaned away from the glass.
	"Well, in that case, Boy Wonder... you're S.O.L."

***

	Cass walked into the Batcave, brandishing a new potato.
	Stupid Spoiler.
	She went back over to the botany area, where she'd left the LED and her 
wires.
	Something was wrong.
	She squinted at the plant.
	It was bigger.
	Its leaves rustled slightly.
	Cass took a step back.
	"I'm thirsty," said the plant.
	Cass did not bother with the comment an ordinary person would have made, 
which was the obvious "You can't talk!"  Obviously, the plant could talk, and 
obviously, it already knew that.
	"Tim gave water earlier," Cass replied, narrowing her eyes.
	"I'm thirsty again..."
	Cass' eye caught a few strands of purple thread that seemed to be hanging 
from the plant's trap.  "You eat Spoiler, no?"
	"Of course I didn't!"
	"You eat Spoiler's cape?"
	"Get me some water?  Pleeeeease?"
	Cass frowned.  She didn't even like Steph.  Sometimes being a good guy 
sucked.
	"Just a little-- MMMPH!"
	Cass pried Two-ey's jaws open with one hand and one foot.  "Hold on, 
Spoiler!" she yelled.  "Here I come!"

	*	*	*

	"That is so Cass, it's not even funny."
	"I tell you, Dick, this is a true story."
	"Then do you have an IM on your screen from SpOilr85 that says 'Have you 
seen Timmy-poo, I need help with my homework?'"
	"It's probably Impulse."
	"Riiiiiight."
	"Get back to the story!  It was just getting good!"


	*	*	*

	Nothing is indestructible.
	Nothing.
	Besides, Poison Ivy was a bad guy.  Bad guys lied.  It's what they do.
	Tim had raided some of Batman's other secret Batcaves that were scattered 
about Gotham.
	He had seven grenades, three gas bombs, a strobe grenade, more plant 
poison, a flame thrower and a katana.
	The vegetable must be destroyed.
	Tim steeled himself, and got a tighter grip on the first grenade.
	"TWO-EY!"
	That's when he noticed the potato.  The lonely... abandoned... potato.
	Two-ey lolled its head.
	The grenade clattered to the floor, echoing in the empty Batcave.
	"...cass..."
	The plant looked up blearily. "Girl jumped in my mouth.  Couldn't help 
myself.  Wish I could've..."
	"...you ate cass..."
	"Ugh.  Worst indigestion I ever had."
	"You ate Cass!"
	"You said that already!  I eat people, it's what I do.  Get over it 
already."
	"But... But you didn't have to eat Cass!"
	"I take what I can get."
	"But... but she said yes!  She said she'd go out with me!  And... and she 
doesn't even like N*Sync.  I've never gone out with a girl who wasn't obsessed 
with N*Sync before.  And... and she liked bacon cheeseburgers and didn't ream me 
out about how bad they are for me, and I promised to help her make a new science 
project this weekend, and now... and now..."  Tim was starting to hiccup.
	"I feel sick," said Two-ey.
	"MONSTER!" Tim screamed, grabbing the katana.
	There was a sick, wet thump from inside the bowels of the plant.  Two-ey 
groaned painfully.  Tim froze.
	There was another thump, and part of the plant's "head" bulged sickly out 
to one side, cracks spreading around it.  Muffled speech emerged from the depths 
of the foliage.
	"you... let... me..."
	THUMP-SPLAT!
	"OUT!"
	Covered in dripping plant matter, Cassandra Cain stood, fiery-eyed and 
panting.  Two-ey's leaves hung limply, already browning.
	"CASS!" Tim yelped, dropping his katana and running to embrace her.
	"Couldn't find Steph," Cass managed from out of his shoulder.  "Either 
plant not eat her, or she went through fast."
	"Why did you do that?"
	"Look for Steph!"
	"Oh, Cass..."
	"Sorry 'bout plant."
	"I don't care about the plant!"
	"No?  Why you so sad?"
	"Because I thought you were dead!"
	"Oh.  Silly Tim."
	"Sniff.  Thanks for killing my plant."
	"No problem.  I get clean, you buy burger?"
	"Anything you want, Cass.  Anything."

10 minutes later...

	"I'm telling you, Batman, it bit my head.  It tried to *eat* me.  See?  
See this cut?"
	"I see."
	Stephanie Brown stopped short in front of the explosion of plant matter 
that had once been Cassandra II.  "It... it..."
	A slight smile cracked across Batman's stony facade.  "Maybe something it 
tried to eat disagreed with it."

	*	*	*

	"The end!" Barbara pronounced.  "And there, see, it is a true story."
	"It is not.  I know Batman never said that.  Besides which... Tim and 
Cass?  Yeah, right."
	There was a slight tapping on the window, and Dick started at seeing 
Robin and Batgirl perched on the sill.
	"TRICK OR TREAT!" they yelled through the glass.
	Babs wheeled over and opened the window.  "Hey, Zan and Jayna.  What's 
up?"
	"Candy," Cass replied.
	"We were on patrol, thought we would stop by," Tim added, climbing into 
the room.  "Hey, Dick."  He noted the blinking light on Babs' computer.  "HEY, 
DINAH!"
	"Hey, Timmy!"
	"So, anything we can do for you, Oracle-lady?"
	"Nope, Gotham's pretty quiet, especially for Halloween.  Although Steph's 
been looking for you for the past three hours."
	"Urk," replied Tim.
	Cass was sifting through the bowl of candy Dick had left on the table.  
"Tim, you like these?" she asked, holding up a brightly-wrapped sweet.  "I not 
like these."
	Dick squinted at them.  "So are you guys going out or something?"
	Tim's face flushed red.  "Um... um... ah...  Yes, Cass, I like those very 
much."
	"Kay."  Cass finished filling her utility belt, then walked up to Dick.  
"Yes," she said, nodding curtly.  "Bye, Babs!  Bye, Canary!  Bye, Nightwing.  
Let's go, Tim!"
	"Gotta go!" Tim yelped, his ears still burning.
	"Hey!  So you mean that stupid plant story is true?"
	But by that time, the junior Dynamic Duo was already out the window again.
	Barbara crossed her arms and arched an eyebrow.  "Sometimes, Shortpants," 
she admonished, "truth is stranger than fiction."

the end