Author's note: This is my first attempt to write anything of substance (that 
is more words than it takes to sign a cheque) so be nice.

***

First Date... Second Thoughts
By Joolz (joolzcasper@hotmail.com)

***

Barbara Gordon stared at herself in the mirror and shook her head in 
disappointment. It had been so long since she had been out on a proper date; she 
had forgotten that getting ready was such a nuisance.

She sat back in her wheelchair and sighed, wondering what on earth Dick could 
possibly find attractive about her appearance, because she certainly didn't feel 
attractive at that moment in time. She glanced at her watch; he would be here in 
less than an hour.

Getting ready used to take her no time at all, but everything she did seemed 
to take forever now. It had taken her fifteen minutes to undress, five to get 
from  her chair into the bath, twenty to bathe, another fifteen to dry herself, 
and forty to dress (three times) because she couldn't find anything that looked 
good. In the old days, BC (Before Chair), the whole process would have taken 
about thirty minutes, but without the assistance of her lower limbs, it had 
taken more than three times that already.

She had put on a dress at first, but thought her legs looked too skinny, so 
she had put on some smart pants, but she hadn't worn them in ages and realised 
they were too short when she sat in her chair. Finally she had put on some 
leggings, but her legs looked even thinner then. She wished Dick hadn't insisted 
they go out for dinner, she would happily have cooked. That way she could have 
worn her usual T-shirt and sweat pants, but he was adamant - they were going out 
- and not to some pizza joint, he wanted to take her somewhere special.

Eventually she realised that it didn't matter what she was wearing, her 
subconscious self knew that she would never be perfect again and distorted any 
reflection that appeared in the mirror. It wasn't so much the wheelchair, though 
it often got the blame, but rather the loss of self-confidence that her 
paralysis had caused.

In the past she had been so sure of herself, confident in her physical and 
Psychological strength. The shooting had not only dented the physical appearance 
of perceived perfection, but the psychological too. She felt inferior - 
ridiculous as it sounds - because she thought she was no longer physically as 
capable as she had been.

Barbara was in fact, without doubt, universally attractive, any male would 
attest to that. She had great skin, beautiful bright-green eyes which were set 
alight by her fiery red hair and a trim and toned body, with the exception of 
her legs. They were a bit skinny and flaccid, but didn't detract from her 
appearance, at least not to others. 

Babs sighed again and wheeled back to the closet to try something else. She 
eventually decided on a pair of black pants and a nice grey top.

She moved over to the bed and parked her chair alongside before smoothly 
transferring out of it. She lifted her legs up one at a time and laid them out 
in front of her. She pulled the pants over each ankle and slid them up her legs 
as far as she could and then lay down. She continued to hitch the pants up over 
her hips and fasten the zipper. Finally Babs pushed herself up onto her elbows 
and then forced her trunk upright again by walking her hands up the mattress. 
She glanced down at her body and wasn't too upset at her appearance. The outfit 
made her waist and hips look slender, which was good and the loose fit of the 
pants disguised her thin legs.

Babs shifted her weight over the edge of the bed and then almost threw herself 
into the aluminium-framed chair. She wheeled over to the mirror and gazed at the 
reflection.

"Not bad" she muttered to herself, before moving to the dresser to take care of 
her hair and make-up. Finally she was ready, or so she thought, for the date.  
Dick was supposed to be there at seven, but he was rarely on time, she knew 
that. Things had a habit of delaying him, usually something to do with saving 
the day. She smiled to herself and went to check, just once more, that she 
looked okay. The smile remained as she started to peruse her reflection, 
starting at her head and working down. Her smile only disappeared when she 
reached her feet. She had not even noticed that she had forgotten her shoes.

At first Babs was annoyed, how could she have forgotten? As she rooted around in 
the back of the closet for a pair of nice shoes, she became frustrated at her 
Own incompetence. She hadn't noticed because she had no sensation from her waist 
down.

Again a wave of self-doubt struck her and she decided that she wasn't going to 
go out with Dick. There was just too much room for potential embarrassment and 
Dick was such a gentleman, he wouldn't say anything to upset her.

What would he think if she fell out of her chair in public? It had happened 
before and what would she do if there were no accessible restroom? How would he 
cope if people stared at her all the time and started whispering 'what a shame' 
and 'look at that poor girl' like she knew they always did.

The whole thing was just impossible. Why was she even thinking of trying to 
start a normal relationship with anyone?

At the height of her melancholy, the buzzer sounded at her door. "Shit!" 
Babs hadn't yet thought of an excuse to give him and he was outside her door 
already. She went to the CCTV monitor and her fears were confirmed, there he 
was, with a nervous grin on his face and a huge bunch of flowers in his hand. 
She was slightly confused by the huge cardboard box sitting next to him in the 
hallway, but was too upset to give it more than a fleeting glance. There was no 
escaping now - she would just have to tell him the truth.

"Hi Babs," he walked through the door in his usual swagger and bent down to kiss 
her on the cheek. "Wow, you look great!" He stood back and admired her 
appearance. "I guess we both scrub up pretty good, huh?"

Babs was taken aback at his compliment and was thrown off balance by his attempt 
to drag in the huge box. He gave her the flowers while she watched intrigued by
what she could only assume was some gift he had brought.

"What on earth is that?" She asked, unable to contain her curiosity any longer.

"It's for you. I figured you ought to have something special to go out in 
tonight." He was wearing that smug grin of his, the one he gets when he thinks 
he's done something good. "Well, are you going to open it?"

Babs glared at him with mock irritation as she put her hands on her hips.  "What 
is it?"

"Open it and find out."

She began tearing away at the tape around the box. "I guess gift-wrapping is
a lost concept with you isn't it?"

He laughed at her comment. "I didn't have enough money left to buy any." As she 
pulled open the top of the box, something metal clanked around inside. She 
peered up at him again; he was still grinning. "I picked the best money could 
buy."

Babs looked into the box now and saw what he had brought. Her first reaction was 
one of anger, why would he do that? Of all the gifts to present her with, he 
chooses the one thing she wished she didn't need.

Inside the box sat a gleaming, shiny, brand-new wheelchair.

She looked up at him with a pained expression in her eyes. Why of all things had 
he chosen to give her this as a gift? Did he assume she would now accept his 
Constant assurance it made no difference that she was a paraplegic?

Realising that she hadn't understood the sentiment behind his gift, Dick pleaded 
with her to understand why he had chosen it. "Look, I know it might seem strange 
but I figured that your old one was looking a bit tired..."

"Is that supposed to be funny?" She wasn't amused.

For once Dick hadn't intended the pun; it had just slipped out. "No, no... I 
mean ... well you see it was...oh shucks." He gave in. "I just thought you could 
use a newer model."

"Is that what you'll do when I get a bit tired? Trade me in for a newer 
model?" She believed it would happen eventually, despite his assurances.

"No... Babs, come on, it's just that you've had that one since you were... well 
you know... so I decided to get one for you. Its got titanium tubing and frog-
leg forks and cool wheels and... well, like you, it's kinda sexy in black..."

He gulped slightly as the words tumbled out, hoping she would realize his 
sincerity. Babs looked up at him and melted a bit. She realised that he was 
trying to send her an important message. She realised he was trying to make her 
more comfortable with her identity - more confident in her appearance. In truth, 
she had been toying with the idea of getting herself a new chair for a while, 
but hadn't gotten round to it yet.

She grinned, eventually, leaving Dick hugely relieved. "Well don't just stand 
there grinning like a fool, help me unpack this thing." As he bent over to lift 
the chair from the box, Babs reached out and placed her hand on his and gave it 
a gentle squeeze. "I know what you're trying to do, Greyson... thanks."

He smiled a genuine smile in return. "You're welcome," he replied with a shy 
blush.

"Hurry up," she urged him, impatiently, as he lifted the chair out with ease. 
She looked impressed at how light it must be as Dick set it down next to her. 
Babs gave the new chair a thorough inspection. It was all black except for the 
hand rims on the back wheels and the tyres. The frame was certainly sturdy as 
she pushed down on the seat to test it. At the back there was a bar which, Dick 
explained, pulled up to make the frame fold away into almost nothing. The angled 
wheels came off easily too for stowing away in a car or whatever. It had no 
handles on the back or arm rests either, because as Dick had quite rightly 
pointed out, she didn't need them. He really had thought it through carefully 
and judged her needs well. Finally, the acid test. Babs grabbed the left wheel 
of her chair to brace herself and reached for the new chair's rear axle with her 
right. Pulling hard, she lifted it off the ground easily with one hand, partly 
because her arms were strong but also because the chair was so light.

"Go on then, jump in." Dick urged her to try it out.

Babs carefully lifted her feet off the footplates on her old chair and swung 
them out of the way. Tentatively, she reached over to the seat with one hand 
while the other pushed.

She sat in the new chair and shifted her weight slightly to get comfortable, 
then lifting her feet onto the single footplate. Dick glanced down at her, 
anxious to see whether or not she would like it.

"Wow!" Babs exclaimed as she spun the chair around in a circle a couple of 
times. She pushed on the wheels a little, tipping back into a wheelie. "This is 
great. It's just so light and comfortable, but rigid at the same time."

"It's a bit like me then!" He flashed a grin at her as she kept up the 
wheelie.

Babs groaned and shook her head at him. "You're impossible Greyson," she 
sighed, dropping the chair back down onto four wheels. She grew serious then for 
a moment.

"This is the best gift, Dick, I love it."

She expected to see him smile back or make another impish comment in his usual 
style, but his face remained serious too as he spoke.

"Good, because I love you and I wanted to show you that I love every bit of you, 
even the bits that don't work so good."

Babs stared at him open-mouthed. "But..."

"No 'buts'. I know that you are worried about us getting together; I know you 
think less of yourself that others think of you; I know you doubt my sincerity 
when I say your paralysis means nothing to me. I wanted you to know that I don't 
have any doubts about how I feel - not about you or your legs or that chair or 
the scars on your back or the ones in your mind. I love that you won't let any 
of it beat you; I love that you didn't give in when others would have; I love 
that you are the brains behind everything we do; Most of all I love how you make 
me feel. When I'm around you I feel like I've come home and for a circus boy, 
that's saying something."

She was stunned at his response. Babs for once had no smart comment to return. 
She did the only thing that she could to return the sentiment; she reached for 
his hand and pulled him down towards her. When their eyes met she leaned 
forwards slightly and kissed him on the mouth. He returned her kiss with a 
passion she had never felt before and all insecurities and doubts melted away. 
Dick loved her, without limits, and that was the only truth that mattered.

Eventually when they couldn't hold their breath any longer, they released each 
other and Babs whispered into Dick's ear, "And I love you too."

The End