Author's Notes: My exposure to the Bat world comes mainly through the 
Animated cartoons. You can imagine how shocked I was when I learned a little 
bit about the comic series and learned Dick was actually 9 years younger than 
Babs. This is my first B/D fic and I decided nine years was a bit much. So 
figure more like three years apart. I tried to keep my ignorance in mind and 
I hope this little piece will fit appropriately in the overall Bat storyline. 
Oh, and Dick would still be Robin with Barbara a junior in college. Feed back 
is necessary to my creative process.

http://www.geocities.com/the_lioness_den/

***

It Was Only
By Lady Lioness (ladylioness81@yahoo.com)

***

The smell hit her first. She was a trained professional, used to picking up 
all the details of her surroundings. The odor was clearly antiseptic, mixed 
with alcohol. Her made only slight squeaking sounds on the white linoleum 
floor, the result of years of training. Ghosts floated past her, garbed in 
white. She was aware of them only as background. She concentrated on 
navigating through the corridors, ignoring the open doors and the still 
figures laying on pristine white sheets. She tightened the muscles in her 
legs, controlled the length of her stride. In this time, she needed to feel 
master of something. 

She had gotten the call when she had gotten back from class. He was in the 
hospital. It wasn't truly serious, but her heart still leapt into her throat. 
She was always afraid that the next call would be the one. The one to tell 
her that he was no longer coming back to her, would no longer be cracking 
those stupid puns, no longer dragging her away from her books for pizza. It 
was only in these frozen moments that her feelings could escapefrom the 
locked closet in her mind. It was only then that she acknowledged how she 
really felt about him.

Breathing in deeply, she felt her lungs fill with the sterilized air. She had 
almost reached his room. A private one, of course. The son of Bruce Wayne 
deserved no less. She was getting closer. Sometimes, she could almost feel 
him, a sort of tugging in her heart. A pull, designed to drag her to his 
side. She had become practiced over the years at resisting that force. It was 
only in the lonely moments of the night, the simple isolated moments in the 
day, when she wondered if she was doing the right thing. But of course she 
was. She had to be.

Sometimes she did wondered what if. What if things had been different? What 
if she was younger, what if he was older, what if his parents had never died, 
what if Batman had never existed, what if? When she started to wonder things 
like that, she knew that she needed a date. Just another guy to prove that he 
wasn't the only man for her. To prove that she could exist separately from 
him. The delusion usually worked. Her heart gave a little jolt. He was there, 
just through that doorway. Her steps slowed, hesitantly. Why was she feeling 
so unsure? All she had to do was walk in there, a bright smile on her face, 
and tease him until he forgot where he was.  She could do that, she had done 
it. Yet...it was only...

***

He was sitting up, his hair dark against the cool sheets. There was a slight 
throb in his arm, but for the most part, the painkillers took care of most of 
the pain. He was already feeling embarrassed about his injury. He hadn't even 
been in uniform when the break occurred. He'd been playing a game of football 
with some buddies. It was sheer luck, rather, misfortune in his case, that a 
massive linebacker guy had tackled him from the side, causing him to land 
with a crunch on his arm. It was truly embarrassing. He was a crime-fighter, 
a trained acrobat, for chrissake, and he couldn't even land properly. It was 
only the most humiliating thing that had ever happened to him.

Sighing, he continued staring out the window, the fading sunbeams melting off 
his bed, forming a golden waterfall. It would be night soon and the others 
would go off to work and he'd be trapped here. He shifted restlessly, cursing 
when his arm reminded him of his stupidity. Alfred had already stopped by to 
fuss over him. As if he didn't feel enough like a child. He figured Bruce 
would stop by later that night, if things weren't too busy. He wasn't really 
looking forward to that. His guardian would scowl at him, his chin set in 
reprimand. Still, it wasn't the worse thing that he'd ever face. It was only 
Bruce. He could deal. The real wild card would be her.

Her face floated into his mind, deep red tresses framing laughing blue eyes, 
a mischievous smile creasing her deep rose lips. She would come and he was 
filled with dread mixed with joy. She used almost any excuse to point out the 
difference in their ages and he just knew that she would tease him 
mercilessly about playing with the "big boys." Even though he could kick most 
of those guys' butts. He would pretend like he didn't care, hiding the 
feelings of inadequacy her teasing provoked. He wanted more than anything to 
have her regard him as a man, as someone worthy enough to stand by her side. 
He was so afraid that some other guy would manage to sweep her off her before 
he managed to show her the years between them didn't matter. He was running 
out of time. She'd be graduating soon, and then who knew what she would do? 
It was only that he really feared. That he'd lose her before he had the 
chance to be with her.

One corner of his mouth lifted in a rueful smile. If he really wanted to win 
her over, he'd better stop thinking of her as a fair maiden to be won. They 
hadn't sparred in a while, but he was willing to bet she'd still come close 
to kicking his butt. The smile drifted away as he glanced over at the door. 
She still hadn't come in yet. He knew she was standing out there, had been 
for a while. He was always incredibly aware of when she was near. What was 
she waiting for? He continued to watch the door for another minute, nervously 
running his fingers over the cast. The rough fibers of the heavy plaster 
grazed against his calluses. They were the only sign that he wasn't the boy 
of leisure everyone thought he was. With that thought in his mind, he 
mustered his courage and called out.

"Hey, Babs? You planning on coming in or what?"  Slowly, she made an 
appearance in the doorway. She stood there for a moment, her eyes locked on 
his. Suddenly, she grinned and strode over to the bed. 

"Hey, Dick, got yourself into another fix, huh?"He affected a look of wide-
eyed disbelief. 

"I haven't the foggiest idea what you're talking about."  She rolled her 
eyes. 

"Yeah, you just happened to wake up with a hunk of plaster on your arm." He 
said smugly, 

"That's my story and I'm sticking to it." She laughed, her delight not quite 
touching her eyes.

She moved closer, dragging a chair next to his bed. He watched her coming, 
noting the way she concentrated on the simple task. She almost seemed 
nervous. When she had herself settled, he said, 

"Babs...Barbara, I was wondering-" 

"So Alfred told me you broke it when you tried to play with the big boys."

His mouth snapped shut at her interruption. He knew it. He fixed a sarcastic 
grin on his face. 

"Aw, you know me, Babs. Always looking for the big break."  She smiled. He 
grinned back. 

It was only right. He was too young. She was too old. 

It was only temporary. She'd learn he wasn't too young. He'd show her she 
wasn't too old. 

It was only...

scant comfort 
heartache 
loneliness