These characters belong to others. They're not mine. I hope I'm not stepping on any toes here. No money has been made. Thanks for letting me play in your world. Please let me know what you think. Sorry, Recceanna, I barely got this finished before the deadline, or otherwise I would have sent you a beta. This story takes place after Barbara gets out of the hospital after being shot and before becoming Oracle. I got the idea from the No Man's Land novel written by Greg Rucka (I highly recommend it. No romance, but it is kind of written from Barbara's point of view, like a diary.) There is a passage about Barbara thinking about taking her life, albeit very briefly, she says. *** WONDERFULL LIFE by Gentleman Jack (JKTMN@aol.com.) *** Barbara had finally made her dad realize that she could get around in her wheelchair by herself. Lord knows, they made her get in and out of it enough during rehab. Rehab, more like licensed torture, she thought. It had been a long seven months, and Barbara had put on a good show. She wasn't in much pain now. Everything had healed. Everything except the nerves in my spine, she thought as she made slow headway through the holiday crowd. It was early in the morning of Christmas Eve, and Barbara had used that as a excuse to get away from her dad and the others. She noticed that they tried to make sure someone was with her at all times. She knew it was in the back of her mind. She didn't want to speak it outloud, but sometimes, like when her legs hurt, she could imagine for a split second taking a couple extra pain pills, not just a couple, but a lot. Her legs didn't just hurt, they were on fire, and there was nothing she could do about it. The doctors had called it a phantom pain, and it normally went away after awhile, after the brain realized there was nothing there anymore. Much to her fathers surprise, Bruce Wayne had completely paid for all of her bills and an apartment in the clock tower building that Wayne Industries owned. She was thinking about going there today to check it out, but when she had wheeled up to the front of the building and stared up at the ancient skyscraper, she couldn't go in. Maybe tomorrow, she pondered. Maybe I'll be ready tomorrow. She had been in front of the building about seven times and always thought that tomorrow would be the day. Maybe it would. As she stared up at the clock face, the bells rang off one o'clock, and Barbara maneuvered her chair through the tide of people, many carrying wrapped presents and others with huge department store bags filled with goodies for good little boys and girls. Was I a bad little girl, Barbara thought. Is this why this happened to me. Barbara was aimlessly pushing herself around the shopping district of Gotham, and soon found herself at the city park lake. It had been frozen over for sometime now and she realized she had been there for awhile. She watched a group of little girls practice their figure eights and spins. Barbara didn't realize she had been crying, until an old woman who was pushing a shopping cart obviously filled with her worldly possessions spoke to her. "I lost my skates last winter," she said. "What," Barbara asked, not sure what she had heard? "Some pigeons took my skates." "What are you talking about," Barbara stammered. "I used to skate here all the time, but one morning when I woke up, I saw a flock of pigeons flying away and my skates were gone. They took them." "I'm in a wheelchair, can't you see that?" "I was depressed about losing my skates also." "I can't walk. A monster shot me. I can't do anything anymore. I don't have a life." Barbara was yelling now. "You tell me why this happened? Why didn't I look out the peep hole? Where was Batman?" The older women bagan pushing her cart away and Barbara, turned to continue yelling at her. "I wish I was dead. I wish I'd never been born." "Where was Dick," she whispered? The woman was long gone now and Barbara was sitting there crying, with her head in her hands. She felt the small revolver in her purse. her dad had given it to her several years ago, and Barbara had told him she had gotten rid of it a long time ago. Now it seemed so inviting. Just finishing off what Joker started, she thought. The gun was cold, as she handled it, still in her purse. To Barbara it felt far colder than the air around her. It also felt like a release, one she thought she had been looking for the nerve to seek. One she thought she hadn't even thought of. "Please somebody..." Barbara then heard a small cry for help. It was coming from a marshy end of the lake that had not been completely frozen. Again. "Please, somebody...." The old Barbara took over. Feelings that she thought she never would feel again, being able help someone, took over. She began working her way through the brush, toward the sound of struggling. It was hard maneuvering the chair through the brush but she came to a clearing, and saw the old woman stuck up to her thighs through the broken ice. Her cart was before her and slowly sinking. "I can't reach you," Barbara said. I'll have to go for help." "Please, I'm so cold." Barbara looked around and spied a branch about 10 feet long, but she would have to get on the ground to get it. This scared Barbara, she had done this before, but that was in the hospital, not in a forest with no attendants waiting to help if she couldn't get back up. She could die, Barbara thought, if I don't get her out of there soon. She took her blanket off her legs and put it behind her. Then she leaned forward and rolled out of her chair, just as she had practiced. That wasn't so bad, she thought. Then she began to crawl to the stick. She tossed it toward the hole and crawled to again. Now she could hold it to the woman, and she began to pull her self out. When the woman was out of the water, she seemed to raise up a little more and said, "Thank you for helping me, now I can help you." With that the woman displayed a hidden strength, and picked Barbara up and placed her in her chair "I can grant your wish," the woman said. "Do you want it to be true." Barbara was still a little stunned from being handled by this old woman. "What wish," she asked. "By the lake, you wished you had never been born. I can make it true." "I was having a bad moment," Barbara blurted out. "I have them a lot lately. How can you grant that wish," Barbara asked, suddenly realizing what she was being offered. "Your life will not have existed. Stand up." "You're crazy, I can't walk. I'm..." The older woman whacked Barbara on the thigh with the palm of her hand. "Ouch, stop hitting me," Barbara squealed, not realizing her leg had been hurt. "Hey I felt that. How did you do that." "You were never shot. You don't exist. The memory of your past life will fade, eventually. And you'll have to make a new one." "But what about my friends and family." "You've got none now. Let's go for a walk." Barbara, almost crying, leaned forward and stood up on unsure legs. Taking a step, with tears flowing down her chin, she held her hand out to the woman. "How can I thank you," Barbara pleaded. "You should be sure of what you're thanking me for first," explained the woman. "Come on." Still holding her hand, Barb began walking with the woman. As they came through the brush, Barbara noticed that all the skaters were gone, even though it was still daylight. "Where is everyone," Barbara asked? "In this Gotham lifeline, people seldom leave their homes anymore," explained the woman. "Criminals run the city and law abiding citizens are easy targets." They moved to a bench and sat down. There was no one in sight. "What about my father, the police commissioner?" "Dear, the man you know as your father, was murdered several years ago, by the a mob hitman named The Joker. Now a mob representative is the commissioner." Barbara sucked in a breath of air. "Oh god..No. What about Batman and Robin?" "At one time, there was a Batman and Robin, but once Robin was captured and tortured to death by a Cat Burglar when he attempted to stop her from robbing the Museum of natural History display of ancient Chinese jade cat figurines." "No that can't be," Barbara shouted. "I helped him stop her. Batman was in Metropolis and Dick had a tip Catwoman was going to rob the museum." "But dear, you don't exist, or didn't then." "Dick's gone...Dad's gone...Because of me..." "No, not because of you," The old woman said. "You simply weren't there. This life has never known a Barbara Gordon. In this life, you didn't exist until 20 minutes ago." Barbara was in shock. She sat there for a moment, then asked. "What about Batman?" "I'm sorry to tell you dear, but after Robin's death, he went berserk and began killing the criminals, starting with that cat burglar. Commissioner Gordon was forced to shoot him after he killed a Oswald Cobblepot for kidnapping." "Oh Daddy, how could you," Barbara cried. "I can't believe it." The old woman pulled out a paper clipping and showed it to her. It read in huge bold face, "BATMAN SHOT". Underneath it showed a picture of James Gordon facing the camera with his back to a crumpled body of the Batman. "You'll see a lot of strange things from now on," said the woman. "People are like ripples in a lake. When you drop a pebble in, those ripples go on for a long time. No pebble, no ripples." Barbara stood up, and moved away from where the old lady was sitting. Barbara was watching leaves blow across the empty lake. Not one person was in sight. Barbara began to cry, not for herself, but for the memories of the people she had known. Family. Friends. People she didn't even know. And maybe a little for herself. The lady appeared at her side and took her hands, turning her to face her. "Your life touched so many people, the city, and so much else. You have your legs now. You can go on and return to your life. Maybe you can become a crime fighter again. It will be a tough road. You'll be alone. No one can help you. There will be no guarantees, that you'll succeed." Barbara was crying freely now, and the woman pulled her to her chest and let her cry. "Why did all this turn on my life," Barbara sobbed. The woman stroked her hair and quietly whispered, "No one knows what's around the next corner. The person you let walk out the door before you may just miss getting hit by a car meant for you. There is no telling." "I'll have to go back, won't I," Barbara choked out. "Dear, you can do what you want." "I'll lose my legs, won't I." "Your legs aren't who you are. It's what's inside that makes you who you are." Wiping the tears away, Barbara said, "Who you are is also who you know, and I couldn't go on being alone. I...want my life back...my family...my dad." The two of them walked slowly back to where the old lady had been pulled out of the water and Barbara paused at her chair. "It's not a prison, dear," the lady said. "I think, or I thought, that it was." Barbara slowly sat down and the lady knelt by her side and covered her legs with her blanket. "You're stronger than you remember. Find a way to help people again," the lady said. "You have your life back. Did you see the pigeons push me in the water. They wanted my cart." The lady that helped Barbara was gone again and the homeless woman was back. "You're wet and cold, please take my blanket," Barbara said. The woman looked at her and grabbed the blanket from her and rambled off into the brush. Barbara struggled back through the brush and found a pay phone where she could watch the kids skating. The sun seemed brighter and Barbara noticed laughter where she hadn't heard any before. Barbara picked up the phone and called Dick. When he picked up, Barbara said, "Dick, it's a wonderful day. Why don't you bring your skates down to the city park and push me around the ice." "Barbara," Dick stammered, "I...are you OK...I mean are you sure?" "Dick, I don't know where dad is right this minute and I really want someone to skate with me...to hold my hand for a minute. I miss you." "I can be there in 20 minutes. I'll meet you by the pavilion." "Thanks Dick...I mean...for everything you done for me in the last year. I...well...you've been an anchor for me." "Babs, you don't have to...." he started. "Hey Short Pants, just take it. Oh yeah, I need a blanket. I needed to give mine away. See ya." "In a bit." Barbara hung up and started to make her way to the pavilion. The bird were flying and the children playing and Barbara took it all in like it was the first time she saw it. It might just be OK, Barbara thought.