Yes Virginia, It's OK to Tell Him
by Vicki Napier (VNapier@aol.com)

***

Nightwing sat on the roof of a tall office building still standing in Gotham 
Heights. One of Wayne Holdings buildings, of course.

He had come to Gotham to talk to Bruce again, but couldn't summon the nerve to 
actually finish the trip. He knew Bruce's feelings and wasn't sure he would get 
anymore answers than he had already received. Besides that he didn't really know 
what the questions were either.

Bottom line was he just really didn't have a clue as to what to do next.

Both Bruce's and Helena's words kept running through his mind. They had both 
expressed the sentiment that it was common knowledge that he and Barbara had 
very strong feelings for each other. Were they right? Had he and Babs both been 
suppressing their true feelings for so long that now neither one of them could 
see what was really there?

Dick's thoughts went back to the time when those feelings were allowed to be 
free. He remembered how wonderful it was to be with her, to be in love with her. 
A small smile formed on his lips as memories of those wonderful times flashed 
through his mind. ~What really happened to us? How could our love be so right 
one minute and so wrong the next?~

She had broken it off. She said he was a minor and that she should never have 
let it happen in the first place. His world had crashed down around him and he 
hadn't known exactly why. All she had said was that she was too old for him and 
that she should have known better than to be party to his puppy-love fantasies.

~But she never actually came out and said she *didn't* love me. She just said I 
was too young. Could it be that she really did love me back and that the timing 
was just all wrong?~ Dick thought, only confusing himself even more than he was 
to begin with.

"Hi stranger, you look like you could use a friend." Robin's cheery voice 
sounded from behind him.

"No, just thinking." Dick said as he turned to face Tim. "Just trying to figure 
some things out is all. How are things going for you?"

"Everything's great. Dad's moving us back to Gotham."

Tim stopped, startled at what he saw in Dick's face. Even behind the mask, he 
could see the pain in Dick's eyes and his body language was that of desperation 
and confusion.

"Are you OK, Dick?" concern ringing in his voice. "You look like you just lost 
your best  friend." As realization formed in his mind, he added, "Alfred said 
Bruce was going to see you in Bludhaven. You two didn't get in another...I 
mean...have another...well you know...disagreement, did you?"

Dick smiled and tousled Tim's hair. "No. No disagreements, fights, arguments or 
anything like that. In fact, our relationship is now on a better footing than it 
has been in a very long time."

His demeanor once again changed to hopelessness. "I just have some things to 
work out and I...I...just don't know where to begin."

"Is there anything I can do?" Tim asked as Dick turned to once again stare 
across the night sky. "Dick you know I think of you as the big brother I never 
had. If I can help in anyway, I'm here for you. Even if you just need to talk. I 
may not have any answers, but word is I'm a real good listener."

"Thanks, Tim, I really appreciate that, but this is just...just...too personal." 
Dick swallowed hard, feeling like a heal. He thought of Tim as his brother, too. 
Tim even knew about his one-night stand with Helena. But he just didn't feel 
comfortable discussing the rest of the situation with Tim.

"That's cool." Tim responded, trying to be supportive and understanding. "Just 
remember that I'm available if you change your mind."

"Thanks, Tim. You don't know how much that means to me." Tears welled in his 
eyes as he continued to stare into space. He heard Tim shoot his jumpline and 
suddenly realized Tim might be able to help after all.

"Tim, wait," he said without turning around. "Would you answer a question, and 
then forget that I even asked it?"

"Sure, Dick, no problem." Tim paused, allowing the jumpline to hang loosely in 
his hand. "Answer the question and, after that, I never even saw you tonight. 
OK?" His voice resounded with the smile he knew Dick could not see on his face. 

"Just 'yes or no', please. And then you'll forget I asked, right?" Dick's voice 
was laced with hesitation and confusion as he still continued to stand with his 
back to Tim. He still wasn't sure if he could, or if he even should, ask Tim, 
but he knew he couldn't face him when he did.

"Deal."

Dick swallowed hard and summoned the courage to ask the question that would 
quite probably send him down the road toward an uncertain future.

"Tim, do you think...have you noticed...I mean, is it obvious to you...?" Dick 
paused. His uncertainty unraveling his ability to even find a coherent way to 
ask the question. Finally, fists clenched at his side, he just spit it out. 
Plain, pure, sweet and simple.

"Tim, do you think Barbara and I are in love with each other?"

"Yes."

Dick heard the rustle of Tim's cape as Tim pulled the jumpline taunt and soared 
from the rooftop, keeping his promise. Slowly Dick unclenched his fists, and 
sank to his knees.

"Why now? Why didn't I realize this sooner? Why now that 
its...its...impossible?" He whispered aloud.

"Difficult, not impossible. Remember?" 'His' voice whispered from behind.

Startled, Dick stood and whirled around to face Batman.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop." Bruce said hesitantly. He had been unsure of 
whether or not to even speak to Dick, but Dick's obvious despair made the 
decision for him. "I saw you two and didn't know you were having a personal 
conversation until it was too late. Then it was over so suddenly and you 
seemed...you seemed to need someone." Bruce's voice was rolling with  
uncertainty. Had he ventured to far? Would Dick feel he was intruding instead of 
offering support? Dick's eyes welled with tears again as he stood looking at 
Bruce.

"No, it's OK. I originally came to talk to you...but...I...and then Tim 
came...and...well...you heard the rest." Dick said hoarsely, actually relieved 
that Bruce was there. Looking down at his feet, he said with total 
disappointment in himself, "I guess I really have been a blind stupid ~fool~ 
after all."

Bruce placed his hand on Dick's shoulder. "No, son, you've just been human. 
Something you've always been." As Dick's eyes raised to meet his, Bruce move 
next to him and slid his arm around Dick's shoulder. Giving a reassuring 
squeeze, Bruce added, "I was just about to call it a night. We can talk, if you 
want to. Alfred usually has coffee waiting when I get back."

Dick's face lit up at Bruce's words. "I'd like to, really I would." Then, with 
regret, his voice sank, "But I think Barbara's the one I need to talk to now."

Bruce dropped his arm from Dick's shoulder and, turning, shot his jumpline. "You 
know where to find me if you need me." He said, a small smile forming on his 
lips. "I'm always here for you, Dick. I'm sorry I made you feel that I wasn't in 
the past."

Dick smiled back, but the pain still glowed brightly in the depths of his eyes. 
"Thanks, Bruce." He swallowed hard. "Thanks for always." Bruce swung from the 
rooftop, leaving Dick to his next journey.

***

"Babs," Dick whispered hesitantly. "Can we talk?"

Barbara jumped in her chair, startled by the voice behind her. "JEEZ, Dick, 
don't sneak up on me like that." She continued to work at the console, finishing 
the last bit of input needed for the search Dick had interrupted. "How long have 
you been here?" She asked, more than a little miffed that he had been able to 
circumvent her security measures.

"Just a few minutes, really." Dick said as he stepped out of the shadows and 
approached her. "It took a while to get past your defenses. You've got them set 
up pretty well." He leaned against the computer table across from Barbara's 
chair.

"Well, not good enough, evidently" she snapped back, irritation clearly in her 
voice. "I expect a full report on ~how~ you got in so I can plug the holes." She 
turn her chair to face Dick and her irritation quickly turned to concern as she 
got a good look at the naked agony in Dick's eyes.

"What's wrong, Dick?" she asked and wheeled over to him, taking his hand. "Are 
you all right? Something terrible has happened, hasn't it?" She confronted him. 
"Come in and sit down and we can talk." She wheeled herself into the living 
room, leading him by the hand.

Dick sat on the couch and Barbara positioned herself directly in front of him. 
Taking his hands in hers, she spoke reassuringly. "You can always talk to me, 
you know that."

Dick's eyes dropped from under her stare and he squeezed the hands that held 
his. Tears began to fall, knowing that he was about to cause great pain to 
someone he loved so very much. Someone that he felt he had betrayed so totally.

Barbara reached forward, hooked a finger under his chin, and raised his head. 
"What is it, Dick? Tell me so I can help you." With a reassuring smile, she 
added, "Nothing can be that bad." She reached for a tissue from the end table 
and gently wiped the tears from his face. "Nothing can be ~that~ bad," she 
repeated softly.

Dick took the tissue from her hand and, sitting back, wiped his eyes. But the 
tears wouldn't stop coming. He swallowed hard and looked at her again. His next 
words surprised even him. This wasn't why he'd come here, was it? 

"What really happened, Babs? What happened to us? What happened to the love we 
once shared?" Dick searched Barbara's eyes trying to find an answer, but 
encountering only confusion.

Dick didn't know exactly when it happened. Sometime after his discussion with 
Tim, he had gone from fearing Barbara's reaction to his present situation to 
fearing that Barbara would tell him that she never really loved him. That what 
happened so long ago wasn't real for her or that she had truly been able to stop 
loving him. That his first love was truly over, except for him. Those fears had 
driven all other thoughts from his mind.

"I don't know what you mean, Dick," Barbara replied. She wanted to understand 
what was going on, but she was genuinely confused.

"The love we had, all those years ago. When I knew I loved you and I could feel 
that you loved me too." Dick tried to explain through tears that were flowing 
more freely with each passing moment. "When we made love that I ~know~ it was 
more than just sex." Dick swallowed and whispered so softly Barbara almost 
wasn't able to make out the words.

"Before you turned me away, before you said I was too young to love you. Too 
young to know what love really was." His gaze dropped to his lap, watching his 
hands clench the tear drenched tissue.

Before Barbara could respond, Dick looked back up at her, his heart on the verge 
of breaking all over again, and asked, "You did really ~love~ me, didn't you?"

Barbara tried desperately to find the words to console her long time friend. But 
he had caught her off guard not only with the intensity of his heartfelt agony, 
but also with the subject matter. They had never really discussed this after 
all. After she had called off their 'relationship', both had found a way to cope 
with their heartache, but neither had ever brought up the subject to the other.

Until now.

Looking into Dick's tear-filled eyes and feeling his heartache fill the room 
with an almost unbearable cloud of distress, Barbara knew that now she had to 
tell Dick the truth. But she also knew she would never tell him the ~whole~ 
truth. That truth would totally destroy him.

"Yes, Dick, I loved you then. With all my heart and soul, I loved you." It was 
her turn to avoid eye contact, her turn to watch the tissue in his hands fall to 
shreds from his unrelenting grip.

"Then why, Babs? Why did you send me away?" Dick leaned forward and placed his 
hands on Barbara's shoulders. The tears that he had finally manage to gain 
control of, once again spilled down his face. The hands that gripped her 
shoulders shook uncontrollably, his mind fighting to understand.

"What did I do to make you stop loving me?" He whispered, the raw anguish in his 
voice tore into the very depths of her heart. His eyes searching hers for some 
indication that he could possibly make amends for whatever mistake he had made.

Barbara leaned forward, wrapping her arms around Dick's shoulders in a loving 
embrace, pulling him close to her. Holding his head against her shoulder as he 
began sobbing uncontrollably, she soothingly ran her fingers through his hair. 
Laying her check against his head, her mind raced over what she would say.

~How could he possibly think he had done something *wrong*? I told him it was 
just that he was too young.~ Tears began to fall from her eyes as well. ~God, 
has he thought all this time it was his fault? Has he blamed himself for 
something he had no control over? Damn you, Bruce. Damn you for making me hurt 
him like this.~

She gently rocked Dick in her arms as he continued to expel years of hurt and 
frustration. She knew she could never tell him that Bruce had *forced* her to 
break off their relationship. First off, Bruce had been right. Dick was just too 
young and the love they shared would have turned to frustration and been 
destroyed. Hell, there had been times she had even thought of herself as
a pervert for being with a boy so young at her age. Secondly, she knew that Dick 
would never forgive Bruce for the interference. He wouldn't be able to accept 
the fact that Bruce, as his legal guardian, had only been acting in his ~son's~ 
best interests. He would come to hate Bruce. She had seen the effect not having 
Bruce in his life had on Dick, and hating him as well as losing him would 
totally destroy Dick. No, that was one truth that would ~never~ be told.

But there was still one morsel of truth that she needed to tell Dick. She 
thought she had buried it for good with the realization that she would never be 
able to walk again, when she convinced herself she would never be a ~real~ woman 
again. But Dick was hurting so badly, she knew she had to tell him. She had to 
say the words that would start them both down the same path into the unknown. 

And maybe, just maybe, it was relief that she felt from the depths of her soul 
as the decision was made. Maybe she had needed this as much as he had, but had 
been too stubborn to admit it.

"Dick, I ~never~ stopped loving you."

Dick pulled away from her, his tear-filled eyes reflecting his confusion. "Then 
why? Why have you always refused all my attempts to revive our relationship?"

"Dick, look at me," her hands gesturing to her chair and lower body. "I can't be 
in a relationship with you." Her voice grew weary with regret. "You would always 
be comparing what we have now with what we had then. I just can't measure up to 
that anymore. It wouldn't be fair to you."

"Do you really believe that I'm that shallow? That my feelings...that my love 
for you is so superficial that I couldn't love you the way you are?" Dick's 
words cut her deeply.

Taking Barbara's face in his hands, Dick leaned forward, this time putting his 
lips to hers in a passionate kiss. At first it was just him, but as her arms 
hesitantly encircled his neck, she began to returned his kiss with equal 
passion.

Dick returned her embrace and for what seemed hours, the two young lovers let 
their passionate kisses express the feelings that they had been holding back for 
so long.

"Barbara, I love you," Dick managed to whisper in between kisses.

Barbara pulled back, smiling, but becoming somewhat hesitant. "Dick, I love you, 
too. But I want you to be happy." Tears welled in her eyes as she searched his 
for any uncertainty. "I just don't want to be a burden. I don't ever want you to 
resent what you ~could~ have had with a ~whole~ woman."

Dick kissed her tears away, and then lifted her out of her chair and laid her 
down on the couch. No uncertainty, no hesitation, no doubt....only the deepest 
love, desire, and respect gleamed in his eyes as he layed down beside her, 
taking her in his arms.

"I don't see anything less than a ~whole~ woman here." He gave her his famous 
lady killer smile, meaning it for the first time in his life, "I only see the 
most complete and wonderful woman I've ever known."

Gently shifting them so she was laying next to, but almost on top on him, they 
once again found themselves in an endless embrace, expressing their mounting 
desire with tender, passionate kisses.

The morning sun found them asleep in each others arms, content with the world.

But for how long?