Previously: Ron: I AM SO FIRED! Josh: *bleeds* Leo: Hey, Josh! Spend your money on a train ticket to New Hampshire so I can ALTER THE COURSE OF YOUR LIFE! And give you a job. Sam: Josh, ::crossout::come take me away!::/crossout:: your poker face sucks. Also, Hoynes does too. The sucking part, I mean. Gina: OMFG! SHOOTERS!!! Gunmen: But we're dead! Gina: But not the other guy. Gunmen: Okay, point. Now: The Dixie Pig Bar-B-Q: Skinhead: Mmm, I love me some eggs after shootin' at a crowd o' people! So much that I will stub my cigarette out into this egg! And look smug while walking out the door! Hahahaa! I so rock more than the secret service... 60 Armed Law enforcement officers: Not so much. Skinhead: Yeah, okay, that was my face you just slammed into the pavement. 60 Armed Law enforcement officers: Watch us cry. Dixie Pig waitress: Well, there go my tips for the evening. CREDITS!!!! Pressroom: CJ: So, we caught some guy, but can't tell you anything. Press: Except for all his personal details, right? CJ: ...do you people even |listen to what I say?| Press: Not so much. CJ: *facedesk* I need coffee. Also, Josh? All fighting for his life and stuff. ER Set: Abby: Hey, Donna? You wanna go ::crossout::get some sleep because you look like you got hit by a truck::/crossout:: freshen up? Donna: Not so much. Abby: You sure? Donna: Is there something I should be doing? ::crossout::You know. Besides sitting here looking like a grieving widow? ::/crossout:: Abby: Not so much. White House: CJ: S'up, Toby. Sam. Toby & Sam *on phone*: Yo. CJ: Come do your jobs. Toby & Sam: 'kay. FLASHBACK #4!!! Sam's Evil Law Firm: Evil Oil People: ::ooze evil:: Sam: I haaate my liiiiife... I WANNA BE IDEALISTIC! Evil Oil People: Too bad for you? Sam: Waaaaaaaaah!!! Evil Boss: Uh, stoppit or I'm firing you? Sam: *CRYYYYY* Street: Josh *getting rained on and bouncing like a fiend*: GET MY MAN ON THE PHONE! Phone: No. Josh: AAARG, fine. Sam's Evil Law Firm: Evil Oil People: :::OOOOOOOOZE::: Sam: ... Josh: *cartwheels in front of window* Lawyer: Dude, what's up with the big wet balding dork? Josh: SQUEEE!!! BOY CRUSH!!! Sam: *blinks* OMG!!! SCREW YOU ::crossout::WOLFRAM AND HART::/crossout:: YOU EVIL LAWFIRM AND YOUR PUPPY KILLING WAYS!! I'm going to NEW HAMPSIRE!!!! ::/end Flashback with inappropriately happy music:: White House: CJ: I need a fucking coffee IV. Hey, Sam. Sam: S'up. CJ: Hey, did you see who pushed me down? Sam: ::worst poker face ever:: No? CJ: *eyes* If I weren't so desperately in need of a week of sleep, I'd call you on that. Sam: Well, no kidding. Carol: Hey, Boss. CJ: Gaah. Carol: So 'no' with the morning shows? CJ: Gaaaaaaaaaah... Danny: CJ! CJ: *cries* Danny: So about the who was in charge of the country? CJ: I HAVE NO IDEA. Danny: Okay, okay! I'll get you some freaking Starbucks! Just never do that again! FLASHBACK #5!! California: CJ's house: CJ: *snooooooooooore* Phone: Get up. CJ: AAAAAARG. I can't even get sleep in a fucking flashback! Triton Day Public Relations: CJ: Hey, Boss. Boss: S'up. Evil Movie Producer: I AM LESS POWERFUL and trying to compensate for my reeeeeally tiny dick through ranking on a stupid list! CJ: ... Evil Movie Producer: All the other Evil Movie Producers are making fun of me! AND MY FILMS DIDN'T GET NOMINATED FOR AWARDS! CJ: Yeah, cuz they suck? Boss: Be that as it may... Evil Movie Producer: THIS IS YOUR FAULT YOU TALL WOMAN! CJ: I'd think that'd be the problem of the person that made it? Oh, wait! That's you! Sucks to be you, huh? Boss: No, more like sucks to be you. CJ: Aw, crap. And I just bought that nice house with that nice pool. Evil Movie Producer: OMG, MY LIFE IS OVER!!! CJ's House: Toby: *chills by the pool* CJ: *wanders in with a box* Toby: S'up. CJ: Nello? Toby: Hey, watch out for that- CJ: *falls into pool* Toby: HAHAHA. Um. Careful there. CJ: TOBY!? Toby: So, you're fired? CJ: Kinda, yeah. Toby: ::crossout::You look kinda hot all wet like that. ::/crossout:: Jed Bartlet wants you on his team! CJ: And by that, you mean, he has no idea who I am. Toby: Right. But you just got fired, and beggars shouldn't be choosers, etc. CJ: ...fine, fine. Stop staring at my ass! Toby: No. ::/Flashback:: ER Set: Charlie: Hi! Okay! I'm so glad your'e not dead! Jed: Yeah, about that... Charlie: And I can't |believe| I got stuck in an assassination attempt! Wow, my kids are just going to be thrilled to hear this story... Jed: Uh, it wasn't an assassination attempt. They were trying to kill you. Charlie: ... Jed: Cuz you're black and stuff. And dating my daughter. Charlie: ... ::crossout::okay, future kids not so much thrilled with the story now::/crossout:: crap. *flees* Abby: It just figures that the one attempt that manages to |injure| you is aimed at ::crossout::our future son-in-law::/crossout:: your body man. Jed: Yeah, well, he's cuter. White House: Margaret: So, the president didn't sign some letter that handed over power to the Vice President, thus leaving the country without a clear, legal leader for roughly six hours? Leo: Pretty much. Margaret: Next time this happens? Call me. I can do a great Jed Bartlet forgery. Leo: ... Okay, you did NOT just say that. Margaret: What? Leo: SO ILLEGAL! Margaret: Chill, man. You're like asking for a heart attack there. CJ: I AM NOT DOING MORNING SHOWS! Leo: Er. 'Kay. Make Sam do it. CJ: 'Kay. So, wtf is up with that letter? Leo: Er. FLASHBACK #6: New Hampsire, Bartlet Campaign Headquarters: CJ: Ack! You suck! Jed: I know! CJ: I mean REALLY SUCK! Jed: I KNOW! CJ: I mean REALLY REALLY-- Jed: We get the point. What's next? Josh: Um. If we win this, this and this, we win! Jed: Good to know you can anticipate the voting public like that. Josh: It's a talent. Jed: HATE YOU ALL. Josh: *sigh* My life sucks. Donna: *on phone* Josh: *grabs folder* Audience: OMFG. Where are the bells and whistles of fate!? Josh: Who are you? Donna: Your soul mate. Or new assistant. Josh: You just hired yourself, didn't you? Donna: A fact for which you will be terribly glad when I help change your BED PAN in about three years time. Josh: I should just get used to you controlling my life, shouldn't I? Donna: Might be best, yeah. Josh: Right. Here's my ID badge! Donna: I will treasure it forever. NOW GO TO YOUR MEETING. ::/end FLASHBACK:: ER Set: Josh: *bleeds* Donna: *stares at Josh's heart while it's beating in his chest* Josh: *looks cute in his little surgery hat* Donna: Man, he's going to be a royal pain in the ASS for the next four months. I just know it. WhiteHouse: CJ: Hey, Spanky. Sam: Oh, God. What'd I do? CJ: Saved me from a firey-leaden death? Sam: Oh, that. CJ: Thanks for that. But gimme back my necklace, you klepto. Sam: ::crossout::But it would have looked so cute with my blue shirt::/crossout:: Right. ::crossout::LA Hospital::/crossout:: George Washington Teaching Hospital: Toby: Yo, Ron. Ron: S'up. Toby: Hey, I'm feeling hella guilty. Ron: Yeah, well, shut up, because it was our slip in security. Toby: But I MADE YOU TAKE DOWN THE TENT!!! Ron: Except for the part where we would have told you to screw yourself if we thought someone was actually stupid enough to fire at the President in the open air like that. Toby: Um. Ron: Well, we |would| have. Because I fuckin' rock like that. Pressroom: CJ: Hey, okay, since I've been awake for TOO LONG, I shall give an eloquent speech on gun control and while we'll be talking about everyone who got shot up tonight for a long long |long| time, there were other people who got shot up too! STOP THE VIOLENCE! Danny: WORD! Leo: Let's go Danny. Danny: 'Kay. ::FLASHBACK #7:: Sheraton Centre Illinois Primary: REPRESENT, BITCHES!!! (They do good sandwiches, man.) Sam: OMG. I think we're winning! Leo: COOL! Josh: *on phone* Yay? Leo: What you doin' Willis? Josh: *eyes* Trying to talk to my ::crossout::FORESHADOWING OMFG::/crossout:: dad. Leo: Ah. Jed: I WANT TO YELL AT SOMEONE! SAM!!! YOU'RE ELECTED FOR THE JOB OMFG!! Sam: ... Leo: Let's go discuss this somewhere else so you stop looking like a five year old with a sore paw. Josh: ...eek? Abby: He's scared. Josh: EEEK? But he’s gonna be the FUTURE PRESIDENT!!! THIS IS BAD!!!! Warner Sanders: I'm a badass mofo, and guess who just won? Yeah, that'd be Jed Bartlet. Room: OMG!!!!! Josh: *SQUEEE!* Donna: Er. Josh: DANCE WITH ME DONNA! Donna: Er.. Hey, Josh you know how you've been trying to reach your dad all day? Josh: HE IS GOING TO BE SO HAPPY OMFG! Donna: Well, not so much as he kinda died. Josh: ...DAMMIT! ::crossout::LAX::/crossout:: O'Hare: Josh: *brood* Jed: S'up. Josh: OMG, aren't you supposed to be making a speech to like thousands of people!? Jed: Nah. I'm supposed to be here to polish up my image as a folksy and father-like figure to all my ::crossout::ducklings::/crossout:: staff. Sorry 'bout your dad. Josh: Yeah, it sucks a lot ::crossout::but was heavily foreshadowed, so no one's really surprised::/crossout::.. Think I could transfer my need of a father figure to you and Leo? Jed: Sure! Josh: Score. Bye! Leo: Er, what did you just volunteer me for? Jed: Major fan hatred somewhere around season 5. Leo: Well, as long as it's that far off. ::/end Flashback:: Doctor: JOSH! WAKE THE FUCK UP! We're wasting valuable transition time here! Josh: Gaah....ow... GAAAAAAH!! Old men staring down at me! Leo: What? Jed: He said 'what's next'? Josh: NO! I said GAAAAAA!!! Old men staring down at me!!! Jed: *pats Josh on the head* Sure, you did. *END CREDITS*