Title: Like This
Author: A.j.
Challenge: McKay/Beckett, "Is it just me or is that a giant phallic symbol?" 
for Suz. 
Notes: Um. I have no idea where this came from. It just... is entirely Suz's 
fault. And it's more friend fic than... other. But still. Cute!
 
Summary: Mum never told him about days like this.

*** 
It always ended up like this. Always.
 
Invariably, during a slow week, Dr. Weir got it in her head that they hadn't 
done enough 'exploration of the city' and that 'to know our home base is to 
better protect ourselves in the future' and made up an exploration rota. 

Carson was about 90% sure these decisions were made at 3am over Munroot Tea 
in Major Sheppard's quarters while going over the bullet requisition forms. 
And while it was perfectly fine to get out for a bit of an ambling walk 
instead of re-inventorying the latest shipment of med supplies, knowing that 
the only reason you were actually doing so was because your commanders 
thought everyone was getting chubby? Well. That was still funny. 

But it didn't explain how he always ended up with him. 

"So, I figure this is another teleporter that goes up the main shaft of 
section 27. Do you think so? I think so. Maybe we can get one of those 
moronic engineering teams out here to disassemble this one. It's not like we 
need this particular section. It's mostly single rooms with closets and the 
like. I mean, the crew quarters are fine now, and this would be a great 
place..." 

Carson rubbed his hand over his face and tried not to sigh. If he didn't know 
better (and he very well may not), he'd think Dr. Weir was trying to fix them 
up. 

Experiments? Get McKay's opinion. Inventory? Have McKay how you how to work 
the new hacked software. Explore the city every other Tuesday? Take McKay. If 
this didn't change soon, he was going to radio home about the cruel and 
unusual punishment clause in the Geneva Convention. 

He was fairly certain he had a good case. 

Still, Rodney wasn't that bad. Just a bit... hard to take in large doses. 
Which seemed to be getting bigger and bigger with each passing week. His 
mother had never told him about years like this. Then again, she probably 
never imagined life on an abandoned city floating in the middle of an ocean 
planet (that they could tell) having to cope with the smartest, most focused, 
most annoying person to ever grace the annals of history. 

Although, she had raised his younger brother, so she actually might have had 
some good advice. 

"CARSON!" 

Hell. "Yes, Rodney?" 

"Were you even paying attention to me at all?" Oh, lord. He was pouting. 

"Not really. Now, what?" 

Standing with exaggerated care, McKay shuffled over and offered up his data 
pad. Text flashed by, almost too quickly to read. None of it had anything to 
do with mapping. "I think this would be a good area for items testing." 

"But we haven't tested anything in here yet." 

McKay waved a dismissive hand, eyes still focused on his pad. "I'm sure 
everything's fine and normal. I mean, this is the fifth level we've found of 
what are probably residential dorms." 

"But we don't know. It's why we're here looking in the first place." Deciding 
that they should actually have something concrete to give Dr. Weir at this 
afternoon's briefing, he dug out his own hand scanner and started on the 
light-filled area around them. One nice thing about all the windows and airy 
spires was that none of the Ethosians or the Atlantis crew seemed to be 
suffering from a lack of vitamin D. 

"Well, no, we don't know- what are you doing?" 

"My job?" 

"No! With the-! Give me that." The scanner was plucked out of his hand and 
flipped about sideways. "THAT is how it's supposed to go." 

"But I can't read the scanner now!" The clear bit of plastic, with its shiny 
lights - which he was never going to admit he only vaguely understood - was 
on the side now. The small sensors drooping towards the floor. 

"You don't need to, remember? Just... if you're not going to be helpful, just 
go that way." 

Oh, yeah. On his list of setups, this was definitely not in the top forty. 
Right. On with the job. He started back around the perimeter of the room, 
leaving his partner looking huffy. "Rodney. The whole point is to poke around 
and make nuisances of ourselves. For you, this is not a strange state of 
affairs..." 

"Oh, nice. Mock me, why don't you?" 

"It does seem to be becoming a city-wide sport." Which really wasn't fair, if 
he let himself think about it. Rodney was a brilliant man. Just. Very proud 
and open about it. "In fact, just last week-" 

"Can we skip the recap of mockage?" 

Chuckling, Carson waggled the scanner over the corner and started down the 
first hallway, trusting that Rodney was even less comfortable in the 
unfamiliar surroundings than he. "But it's so entertaining!" 

Sure enough, scuffling footsteps followed. "But why? Why me?" 

"Does 'manly hunger' ring any bells for you?" He could feel the glare at his 
back. He really could. 

"You are such a dork." 

"Hey, hey, you said that." 

"Wait, how did you find out about that anyway? You weren't even there! And 
you bring it up every single week!" 

"Because you're a baitable wanker." 

"You would know." 

"... TELL me you did not just say that." 

"What? You bait me all the time!" 

"Oh, for the... Christ on toast! Is it just me or is that a giant phallic 
symbol?" 

"Huh?" 

"That!" Carson waved his had at the rather large... thing spiking out of the 
hallway in front of them. "The hell is that?" 

"Um, dunno." Two of the most dangerous words in the English language those 
were. Instantly, McKay had his face jammed up near what looked like the 
control panel. It was at the base of the object in a rather unfortunate 
place. Seemingly out of nowhere, McKay pulled out a small set of tools and 
commenced with the deconstruction. 

"Be careful, Rodney. I didn't bring anything in case of accidents." More than 
once on these little jaunts, people had turned up with minor – and in the 
case of Lt. Ford, several major – burns from various and sundry accidents. 

"I'm fine." 

"That's not what you said last month." Gotten his pant leg sheared off when 
he hadn't put his leg in the transporter fast enough. Still, it had been 
better than Jenkins. Boy had no sense. Four times in a two weeks stretch, 
that boy had accidentally blown the sanitizer out in his quarters. They'd 
finally taken it out and jury-rigged a sink. 

"Last month, I almost lost my leg to an elevator. This is... oo!" 

Rather expectedly, the large... thing lit up. Things tended to do that around 
McKay. Carson took a fraction of a second to bask in his gene-therapy success 
before hitting the deck and looking up through his fingers. 

Glowing a sickly shade of green, the object appeared to expand before 
shooting a bolt out the top - don't think about |itdon'tthinkaboutit| - and 
shutting itself off. All rather... Okay, he was definitely not even going to 
think the word 'anti-climatic'. 

"Rodney?" He was really trying not to laugh. Really. And not groan. Damn, 
he'd hit his elbow somewhere on the way down. 

"What did it do?" McKay bounced back on his heels and looked around, 
expectantly. 

"Um. Sparked?" Do. Not. Laugh. 

"It did?" 

"Yes." Biting tongue... now. Sitting up too. Sitting up is good. 

"Where?" 

"Um. All over that wall." Silent laughter is okay. It really is. It had 
better be, because his sides were shaking and there really was nothing he 
could do about it. 

"Wow!" 

"That is a word, yes. Um, Rodney?" 

"I wonder if it has- DEAR GOD!" Yeah. He'd noticed it. 

"I think we'd best get back to the infirmary and start in on the briefing 
with Dr. Weir." 

"But you're GREEN!" 

And then Carson really did laugh. Whole and hearty from the stomach. Because, 
seriously. Watching Rodney McKay turn bright red while the rest of him was a 
fetching shade of puce? 

Well. Mum really did never tell him about days like this. 
-fin-