Things to remember:

1.) I am in no way sane.

2.) In my world, Jenny, Doyle, and Sarah are *not* dead. This is gospel. Learn it, accept it, love it.

3.) You want coherance from an insane person? What planet are *you* from?

My theory on why
Jenny Calendar, Francis Doyle, and Sarah Essen (Gordon)
are not dead.


Okay, so right after Jenny bought the orb of Tessula, she was reviewing the spell. It was pretty complicated, and Jenny, being only a techno-pagan, decided she needed to bring in some major guns. SO, in a fit of efficiency, she calls in her cousin. She and her cousin decide that having another Rom in the vacinity will not only piss off Buffy inc. it will also alert Angelus to something. Jenny and (let's call her Rachel) decide that Jenny needs to get out of town. Besides, "You could use a vacation. It's not every month you piss off your boyfriend, the slayer, and the entirety of the Rom nation. Go to Bermuda. Get some sun."

*SO* Jenny heads off to Bermuda, leaving the spell casting to Rachel's capable hands. (Remember, Rachel *looks* EXACTLY like Jenny.) Again, because a new Rom would create suspicion, not to mention Jenny needs someone to take over her classes, Rachel casts a glamour spell to look, feel, and smell JUST LIKE JENNY. Just in case something goes wrong, Rachel tells Jenny to wait for some kind of signal from her to come back. Jenny agrees, but figures that if Rachel dies, there's no way she'll know about it. After all, Bermuda *is* in another timezone.

Jenny digs out the email addy Willow gave her a few months ago. Seems the hacker set up a hotmail account for the computer-challenged Giles. She emails Giles her plans and figures the kids'll force him to use it one of these days. She heads off with a clear conscience.

Then Rachel dies in that nice, squishy way.

Jenny freaks, but knows she can't go back. Angelus would kill her ass, and the Rom nation wouldn't be too happy with her either. Rachel was something of a higher mage. SO, in a vain attempt to stay in contact, she keeps emailing Gile's account. It ends up becoming something of a diary for her. She eventually starts to accept that she can never see any of them again, but keeps emailing. (Plus she's sucking down a few Mai Tai's. How can you go to the Carribean and *not*?)

(I'm ignoring that insane 2000K restriction those idiots at hotmail have, 'k?)

Possible solution:

Finally, (one day in the future) during a mission that demands phone silence, Willow *demands* Giles check his email for demon updates. She leaves *meticulously* detailed instructions. She even goes so far as to list the proper way to turn the darn thing on. He dutifully gets into the account (Willow was smart enough to write the username and password down and glue it to the bottom of the keyboard months ago,) and discovers a nearly stuffed account. There are over 300 messages from a JannaCgrl. He's all "it's a sick joke" but notices (before he starts deleting) that the first 3 are from BEFORE she died. He starts reading (from the beginning) and gets *way* intrigued. Seems that there's stuff in those emails that only Jenny could know about. ::cough:: OkayandmebbeJoyce..

Jenny and Giles reunite (he tells her that Angel's back to his depressed jackass self) and have many children, but not before 2 weeks in Bermuda frolicking and sucking down Mai Tai's.

Francis Doyle:

Doyle knew he was gonna die, right? Well... it seems TPTB (I think the guys upstairs got a little *too* clever with the use of this little ditty, don't you? I mean *really*,) figured that Doyle deserved some kind of reward, and Angel needed a bit of prodding (because he's a depressed jack-ass and the TPTB *do* have sense of humor, even if it's a bit twisted,) so instead of killing the Irish Boy-Wonder, the transport him away from the Human-bomb and drop him on a beach in sunny Bermuda.

Unfortunately for Doyle's naturally pale buttocks, they drop him nekkid and unconcious on that beach (Guys, it's okay to say 'ow' now,) and he stays that way for a few hours. (Yes, now it's okay for all you pale people out there to flinch.) Stumbling home in a semi-drunken haze (whee! Mai Tai's!) Jenny accidentally stumbles over the, by now blistering, Doyle and feels bad for the sod.

Grabbing him by the arms, she drags him the last mile or so home (not before wrapping him in a beach towel, guys) and tends to his wounds. Well, sun-burn anyway. When he finally wakes up (on his stomach and slathered in aloe) Doyle finds an 'Angel of Mercy' tending to his ills. Lucky for him she only had a slight hang-over or she would have kicked his flaming red butt.

After a bit of mild chatting and info-swapping, they discover they both have people in common. Doyle doesn't know the total details on Rachel's death, but is completely surprised to realize who he's dealing with. On the other hand, Jenny's pretty freaked about the method of her cousin's death and Angel's part in it. What she doesn't understand is why Doyle ended up on HER beach.

They do some guess work and mild reasoning and figure out that Bermuda is now the haven for 'dead' people to await a sign for their return.

Possible Solution:

Jenny and Doyle say 'buggerit' and catch the first plane to sunny California. Well, after Doyle's butt gets back to a reletively sitt-able color. They bop out of the plane and play 'scare the hell out of Angel and make him think he's lost his mind. AGAIN.'

Fun is had by them.

Sarah Essen (Gordon):

Some mystical portent ganked Sarah out of that hallway *just* before she found the babies. Because 'balance' must be kept, TPTB (::cough::) dump a doomed doppelganger (alliteration! Go me!) in her place. This time, however, they are a little nicer and set her, politely, on a chez-lounge on Jenny's porch.

When Jenny and Doyle wander out, mid-moring, in their nice hangover haze, they find Sarah, sound asleep in the chair. By this point, they are both pretty unfazed at the development and head back in to the kitchen to fix some coffee. Doyle ganks the Brandy bottle for Sarah, just in case.

When she finally wakes up, Sarah is surprised and frightened at finding herself on a strange beach with two strange dark-haired people sitting on either side of her, sipping coffee. She does the whole 'policewoman' thing and demands to know why she's been kidnapped.

Being both slightly buzzed by the brandied coffee, Jenny and Doyle give her piteous looks and as where she's from. She replies 'Gotham' and they both become very sympathetic. At least they're still in the same *world*. They do their best to explain that everyone probably thinks she's dead and that they're stuck in the sunniest, and most pleasant, of hell-holes until someone upstairs decides they're needed.

Of course, Sarah, being the indomitable Sarah Gordon, refuses to believe this and toddles off to catch the first plane back to Bludhaven, then possibly on to Gotham proper, if she can swing it. Imagine her surprise when the ticket lady laughs in her face and tells her to lay off the Mai Tai's.

Rejected, sad, and confused, she wanders back to Jenny and Doyle, finding them just where she left them. She tells her story and they all comiserate on how STUPID TPTB ARE.

Possible Solution:

Um... TPTB realize what bloody idiots they are and send them all back where they belong?


Too Far-Fetched.

::sigh:: You're right.

How's this:

Jenny, Doyle, and Sarah infiltrate TPTB (ala Doyle's underground connections) and hold the Oracles hostage until they get full tickets home and a good streak of luck to follow.

TPTB, forced to do what is asked and into a promise that no action will be taken against the trio, agree and send them all home with bags of gold and prophilactics for their first nights back with their Significant Other's.

::A.j. bows::